Big Storm on St Patrick's Day
coming cross river from the Northeast - torn down the top part of our
170 ft. of steel seawall and chewed up about 30 ft. of land. 4 ft. in
depth. It left a nice sandy beach for the grand children to play in.
(protected from the deep river by what was left of the steel seawall.)
I called a local company to come fill in the big hole in our front yard
- and they told me that I had to call the state offices to get a permit
to dredge and fill in the hole.
I thought this should be a simple matter, and that with some logical
explanations of what had occurred I would receive permission to repair
the land the storm had caused so much havoc.
Simple matter? Yes, to any rational thinking person, this procedure
should be quite the rational one to follow - but to the pencil pushers
in Lansing, this was a very complicated matter that needed much
documentation and paperwork.
I called Lansing and finally got the right (?) person on the line. I
explained my plight, about the storm and all, and about the steel
seawall having had its top torn off and the resulting high wave action
taking the land out 170 ft. wide by 30 feet to a depth of about 4 ft.
I had reached a very officious individual, drunk with power over this
helpless little old lady with the big hole in the front of the yard.
I explained that I wanted to have a permit to dredge land out of the
river to fill in the hole. He said: "How many cubic feet of land are you
going to dredge?" I said, "Well, I don't know. I just want to fill up
the hole that is there."
He said, "Lady (and I hate that salutation), you can't just take land
out of the river without telling me how many cubic feet you are asking
permission to dredge."
I said "What does it matter how many cubic feet are dredged, it is just
to fill up the hole". And then he said what I was expecting: "Well, you
have to pay for the land by the cubic foot that you want to take out of
the river."
Aha, now I was on to the whole diabolical business. Permits - and
money, too. I knew this was part of government boondoggling and no way was I going to win, but I thought I might as well get a little fun out
of my go-around with this nincompoop. So, I started in with my "I don't
understand routine".
I said, "You don't understand. I am not taking anything from the river.
The river took this land from me without a permit and I just want it
back." He said, "How much land are you wanting to take from the river?"
I said, "No, no - you're not understanding me. Now listen more
carefully. I will go over the whole thing once more only more slowly, so
you will understand. This was my land that the river took. I pay taxes
on it, proving that it belongs to me. I just want the land back that the
river took from me." He said, "Lady, you are going to have to tell me
how much land you are going to take out of the river."
I said, "Now, I can see that you have not understood what I was telling
you. I will go over it all again, but more slowly this time, so you will
be more likely to understand. This is my land. I am not taking anything
away from the river, as you seem to have miscomprehensions about. I have before pictures, and I will take after pictures for your benefit. I
promise you that I will not take one more teaspoon of land than what the river took from me."
He said, quite exasperated by now, "You will have to have a permit and pay for the land." Again, I said " You are not listening, apparently. Or you're not understanding what I am saying. I will explain it again, but in simpler terms this time."
And he said: "never mind, Lady. I will send you the printed booklet
explaining the whole procedure. You can then apply for your permit and send us a check for the cubic feet you are planning to take
out of the river." And with that, he hung up. He was so agitated, I
thought he was going to blow a gasket.
I ended up applying for, and getting the permit. Paying for the cubic
feet of land which the river took from me without a permit and without
reimbursing me.
But, I got some sadistic bit of enjoyment out of the exchange with the
official.

