Oh! Mr. Porter
Composer(s): George Le Brunn; Thomas Le Brunn
Performer(s): Marie Lloyd; Down East Band



Lately I just spent a week with my old Aunt Brown
Came up to see wond'rous sights of famous London Town
Just a week I had of it, all round the place we'd roam
Wasn't I sorry on the day I had to go back home?
Worried about with packing, I arrived late at the station
Dropped my hatbox in the mud, the things all fell about
Got my ticket, said 'good - bye' "Right away" the guard did cry
But I found the train was wrong and shouted out

Oh! Mister Porter, what shall I do?
I want to go to Birmingham
And they're taking me on to Crewe
Send me back to London as quickly as you can
Oh! Mister Porter, what a silly girl I am!

The porter would not stop the train 
But I laughed and said "You must
Keep your hair on, Mary Ann, and mind that you don't bust'"
Some old gentleman inside declared that it was hard
Said "Look out of the window, Miss, and try and call the guard"
Didn't I, too, with all my might I nearly balanced over
But my old friend grasp'd my leg, and pulled me back again
Nearly fainting with the fright, I sank into his arms a sight
Went into hysterics but I cried in vain

Oh! Mister Porter, what shall I do?
I want to go to Birmingham
And they're taking me on to Crewe
Send me back to London as quickly as you can
Oh! Mister Porter, what a silly girl I am!

On his clean old shirt-front then I laid my trembling head
"Do take it easy, rest awhile" the dear old chappie said
If you make a fuss of me and on me do not frown
You shall have my mansion, dear, away in London Town
Wouldn't you think me silly if I said I could not like him?
Really he seemed a nice old boy, so I replied this way
I will be your own for life 
Your imay doodle um little wife
If you'll never tease me any more I say

Oh! Mister Porter, what shall I do?
I want to go to Birmingham
And they're taking me on to Crewe
Send me back to London as quickly as you can
Oh! Mister Porter, what a silly girl I am!