Garnet's Home-Made Beer
Composer(s): Ian Robb
Performer(s): Ian Robb
Oh, the year was Nineteen Seventy-eight
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
When a score of men were turned quite green
By the scummiest ale you've ever seen
Oh, Garnet Rogers cried the town
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
For twenty brave men, all masochists who
Would taste for him his home-made brew
This motley crew was a sickening sight
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
There was caveman Dave with his eyes in bags
He'd a hard-boiled liver and the staggers and jags
God damn them all, I was told
This beer was worth its weight in gold
We'd feel no pain, shed no tears
But it's a foolish man who shows no fear
At a glass of Garnet's home-made beer
Well we hadn't been there but an hour or two
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
When a voice said, "Gimme some home-made brew"
And Steeleye Stan hove into view
God damn them all, I was told
This beer was worth its weight in gold
We'd feel no pain, shed no tears
But it's a foolish man who shows no fear
At a glass of Garnet's home-made beer
Now Steeleye Stan was a frightening man
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
He was eight feet tall and four feet wide
He said, "Pass that jug or I'll tan your hide"
God damn them all, I was told
This beer was worth its weight in gold
We'd feel no pain, shed no tears
But it's a foolish man who shows no fear
At a glass of Garnet's home-made beer
Stan took one sip and pitched on his side
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
Garnet was smashed with a gut full of dregs
And his breath set fire to both me legs
God damn them all, I was told
This beer was worth its weight in gold
We'd feel no pain, shed no tears
But it's a foolish man who shows no fear
At a glass of Garnet's home-made beer
So here I lay in me twenty-third beer
(How I wish I'd never tried it now)
It's been ten years since I felt this way
On the night before my wedding day
God damn them all, I was told
This beer was worth its weight in gold
We'd feel no pain, shed no tears
But it's a foolish man who shows no fear
At a glass of Garnet's home-made beer
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