Gee, Officer Krupke
Composer(s): Leonard Bernstein; Stephen Sondheim
Performer(s): Russ Tamblyn; David Bean; as 'Tiger'
Bert Michaels; Tony Mordente; David Winters



Tiger (Imitating Krupke): 
Hey you! 

Riff:
Who me, Officer Krupke? 

Tiger (Imitating Krupke):
Yeah you, gimme one good reason for not draggin' ya down the station 
house, ya punk! 

Riff:
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke 
You gotta understand 
It's just our bringin' upke 
That gets us out of hand 
Our mothers all are junkies 
Our fathers all are drunks 
Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks 

Jets:
Gee, Officer Krupke 
We're very upset 
We never had the love 
That every child oughta get 
We ain't no delinquents 
We're misunderstood 
Deep down inside us there is good 

Riff:
There is good! 

Jets:
There is good, there is good 
There is untapped good 
Like inside, the worst of us is good 

Tiger (Imitating Krupke):
That's a touching good story 

Riff:
Lemme tell it to the world! 

Tiger (Imitating Krupke):
Just tell it to the judge 

Riff:
Dear kindly Judge, your Honour 
My parents treat me rough 
With all their marijuana 
They won't give me a puff 
They didn't wanna have me 
But somehow I was had 
Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad 

Snowboy (Imitating Judge):
Right! Officer Krupke 
You're really a square 
This boy don't need a judge 
He needs an analyst's care 
It's just his neurosis 
That oughta be curbed 
He's psychologically disturbed 

Riff:
I'm disturbed 

Jets:
We're disturbed, we're disturbed 
We're the most disturbed 
Like we're psychologically disturbed 

Snowboy (Imitating Judge):
Hear ye, hear ye. In the opinion of this court, this child is 
depraved on account he ain't had a normal home. 

Riff:
Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived! 

Snowboy (Imitating Judge): 
So take him to a headshrinker. You! 

Action:
Who me? 

Riff:
My daddy beats my mommy 
My mommy clobbers me 
My grand'pa is a commie 
My grand'ma pushes tea 
My sister wears a moustache 
My brother wears a dress 
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess 

Action (Imitating Analyst):
Yes, Officer Krupke 
He shouldn't be here 
This boy don't need a couch 
He needs a useful career 
Society's played him a terrible trick 
And sociologically he's sick 

Riff:
I am sick! 

Jets:
We are sick, we are sick 
We are sick sick sick 
Like we're sociologically sick 

Action (Imitating Analyst):
In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head shrunk at 
all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease. 

Riff:
Hey, I got a social disease! 

Action (Imitating Analyst):
So take him to a social worker 

Riff: 
Dear kindly social worker 
They tell me get a job 
Like be a soda jerker 
Which means I'd be a slob 
It's not I'm anti-social 
I'm only anti-work 
Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk 

A-rab (Imitating Social Worker):
Eek, Officer Krupke 
You've done it again 
This boy don't need a job 
He needs a year in the pen 
It ain't just a question of misunderstood 
Deep down inside he's no good 

Riff: 
I'm no good 

Jets:
We're no good, we're no good 
We're no earthly good 
Like the best of us is no damn good 

The trouble is he's lazy 
The trouble is he drinks 
The trouble is he's crazy 
The trouble is he stinks 
The trouble is he's growing 
The trouble is he's grown 
Krupke, we've got troubles of our own
Officer Krupke 
We're down on our knees 

Riff: 
'Cause no one wants a fella 
With a social disease 

Jets:
Dear Officer Krupke 
What are we to do? 
Gee, Officer Krupke 
Krup you!