Food Blues
Composer(s): Shel Silverstein
Performer(s): Bobby Bare; The Corries



I was waitin' in Rosie's Restaurant
When the waiter came up and said
"What do you want?"
I looked at the menu -- it looked so nice
Till he said, "Let me give you some advice"
He said, "Spaghetti and potatoes got too much starch
Pork chops and sausage are bad for your heart
There's hormones in chicken and beef and veal
Bowl of ravioli is a dead man's meal
Bread got preservatives, there's nitrites in ham
Artificial coloring in jellies and jam
Stay away from donuts
Run away from pie
Pepperoni pizza is a sure way to die
Sugar rots your teeth and make you put on weight
But artifical sweetener's got cyclamates
Eggs got cholesterol
There's fat in cheese
Coffee ruins your kidneys, and so does tea
Fish got mercury
Red meat is poison
Salt's gonna send your blood pressure risin'
Hot dogs and bologna got deadly red dyes
Vegetables and fruits are sprayed with pesticides"

So I said, "What can I eat that's gonna make me last?"
He said, "A small drink of water in a sterilized glass"
And then he stopped and he thought for a minute
And said, "Never mind the water -- there's carcinogenics in it"
So I got up from the table and walked out in the street
Realizing there was nothing I could eat
I ain't eaten for a month, and I'm feeling fine...
'Cause he did not mention
Beer, whiskey, women and sweet red wine