Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!
Composer(s): Carbone
Performer(s): The Goons



Sellers:
Friends, pick up that bottle you will finding standing in 
the centre of your dining room table 

Secombe:
Now examine it closely and read what it says on the very 
small print on the back of the label 

Sellers:
Note that its contents are invaluable for pea soup, falling ears 
irritation of the nurglers, exterminating socks and preserving eggs 

Milligan: 
And that doctors strongly recommend it as a cure for the lurgi 
the on-set of the nadgers, spots before the ankles, soft shoulders 
pink toenail and acute amounting on the legs 
So ooooo (ow!) 
If you're turning pimply and your knees are turning blue 
Don't be nervous simply, try Eeh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ooh! 
Practice every morning and you'll find that you 
Almost without warning will be Eeh! Oh! Ah! Oh! Ooh! 

Secombe: 
Combat, cure infection with this latest thing 
Follow the directions and Ping! 

Milligan: 
Now the nights are colder you'll find what to do 
Write on the folder: Just Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh! 

Sellers: 
When the flame affects you, or you got the flu 
You find what protects you is Eeh! Ah! Nicky! Nu! 
Better than the whisky, brandy gin or glue 
Makes your liver frisky does Eeh! Or! Ah! Nu! 

Milligan/Eccles:
And for making company or friends try some in your coffee 
And ya ha ya ya ha 

Secombe:
So if you get heated, don't get defeated 
Hold your breath, be seated and Eeh! Ah! Oh! 

All:
So when your out of funds and the rent is due 
Just a tiny spoonful will do 
And Oh! Ah! Arg! Oh! Glug! Arg! Arc! Arg! Ooh! 

[Disgusting Donkey noises] 

Sellers/Bloodnok:
Oh -- Oh! that's better! Rhymes

Secombe: 
I'm going to hold a rhyming comptetion 
To prove that England is the greatest still 
But if I don't like the rhyme that you have written 
I reserve the right, the poet for to kill! 

Sellers/Thynee: 
This could mean the big time! 
Have you heard of this man Moriarty 
Who's never appeared with Russell Harty 

Milligan/Moriarty: 
The reason is this: I was out on the 

All: 
That was a terrible rhyme

Secombe:
Who's the next victim -- that' you 

Sellers/Bloodnok: 
A nobleman from old Bohemia 
Whose daughter was christined Euphemia 
Though she was a real stunner, she married a gunner 
With chancres and haemiophilia! 

All:
That was a wonderful rhyme sign us another one, do! 

Milligan/Moriarty:
The reason is this: I was out on the 

Sellers/Bloodnok:
Right in the old Niagaras 

Sellers/Bluebottle:
There was a young lady of Tottingham 
Who had no manners or had forgotten them 
At tea at the Vicar's, she ripped off her knickers 
Because she said she felt hot in 'em 

All:
That was a jolly good rhyme 
Sing us another one, do 

Milligan/Minnie:
Why aren't I in this recording 

Milligan/Eccles:
There was a young man of Tralee 
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp 
When asked did it hurt, he replied not at all
It can't 

All:
That was an unfinished ryhme
Sing us another one do 

Sellers/Rough: 
Morning hard on the nurdle 
In arm with the bird and the burdle 
The old fargon goo, he done riden the blue 
And he grundled the gwreds and the gwrelds 

All:
That was a jolly good rhyme
Sing us another one, do 

Milligan/Japanese:
There was a young man from Yokohomo 
Who marry a girl from Kawmow 
On honeymoon night, bed catch alite 
So he get up and put on pyjammas 

All:
That was a jolly good rhyme
Sing us another one, do 

Sellers/German:
There was a young Nazi from Berlin 
Fought for Hitler in hopes that he would win 
Now he cleans all the shoes of the Golders Green Jews 
Boy have they got it in for him! 

All:
That was a jolly good rhyme
Sing us another one, do 

Milligan/Indian1:
There was a young man called Ghandi 

Sellers/Indian2:
Ghandi is right 

Indian1: 
Who went in to the bar for the Shandy 

Indian2: 
You are right absolutely 

Indian1: 
With his great loin cloth he wipes off the froth 
And the barman says "Blimey, that's handy" 

All:
That was a jolly good rhyme
Sing us another one, do 

Eccles:
Well that's the end of that 

All:
That was a jolly good rhyme
Sing us another one, do 

Bloodnok:
Look, I have several others rhymes unsung 

All:
That was a jolly good rhyme 
Sing us another one, do 

Minnie:
Stop! Stop! Stop! 

FX: (various fading out complaints)

Moriarity:
The reason was this, I was out on the 

FX: (gunshot!)