Renta Santa
Performer(s): Chris Hill


Here is a news flash! 
We have just heard that Father Christmas
is unable to do his rounds this year 
due to industrial trouble in Greenland 
Therefore, a replacement must be found!

We are going over now to the office of Renta Santa
Miss Singleton, who has actually applied for the job?
"Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, Alice Cooper, Elton John"
Same old faces, hey?

Have you any suggestions of your own?
"Take a chance with someone new, you'll see"
Good idea
Now, here's a face we all know
Football star, Georgie Best
George, what have you been doing lately?
"Sitting in the sun, waiting for a senorita to show"
Splendid!

And now we have Mr. Edward Heath
Sir, we know you're out of work right now, but
Don't you think you look rather foolish standing there
In a red costume and false beard?
"It's just a silly phase I'm going through"
Tell us, what did Margaret Thatcher say when
She saw you dressed like this?
"She stood there laughing"

Oh dear, well here's someone whose not been laughing
Too much either; rock star and tax exile, Rod Stewart
"I'm an ordinary guy, and my pockets are empty"
Rod, what did you tell the tax department
When you returned to this country?
"I can't give you anything"
But Rod, we all have to pay tax
"But not half as much as I do"
Really?
"No, not half as much as I do"

Over here, we are very fortunate to have the
Man who trains Santa's reindeers
Sir, we understand you actually speak to these animals
What do you say to them?
"Ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh"
And what is their reply?
"What chu, chu, chu, chu"
What does that mean exactly?
"That means, I offer my love to you"
Amazing!

And now we've got Mr. Spock from Star Fleet Command!
How did you get here?
"Look at me, can't you see, I'm beaming all over?"
Oh, and now they're ready with the results
They are about to be announced

And the man whose been chosen is Mr. Uri Geller

Well, Uri, this is really wonderful
Everyone's delighted!
Now, I'm sure we'd all like to see a party trick before you leave
What are you going to do for us?
"I took my magic wand, and 'poof', I have me fun!"
And look what's happening here 
It's Bendy!
"Hey, what does? 
What's happening"

Hey! You've bust me record player!
Player.....player.....player.....player.......