The Twelve Days Of Christmas
(Traditional)
Performer(s): Bob & Doug McKenzie



(B: Bob; D: Doug; C: Chorus)

B: OK, good day
This is our Christmas part of the album 
You can play this at your Christmas parties 
or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothin' else to do
D: Good day, eh? 
In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part
B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on 
OK, so good day 
This is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get ...
um ....your true love for Christmas.
D: Look out the window!
B: Where? (chuckle) 
What are ya doin'?!?
D: Snow, hosehead!
B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's Christmastime
Hey, hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's a quiz (chuckle) 
Quiz for Doug...
D: OK, I have my "thinking took" on
B: Yeah, right 
What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 
'Cause, figure it out, right? 
Christmas is when?
D: Um, the twenty-fifth ...
B: Right 
And, what's the twenty-fourth ...
Christmas Eve, right?
So ...
D: That's two
B: That's two 
And, then what's after that? (pause) 
Boxing Day
D: Wrestling Day
B: Wrestl ... get out!
D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah
B: That's three 
Then, what's after that? 
Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four and what's ...
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's five 
Where do ya get twelve?
D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four 
So, that's nine 
And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days

B: OK, this our Christmas song 
just in case you don't know what to get someone for Christmas
D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

By the way, that's ME on the organ
B: Oh, geez
D: You start ...
B: OK ...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A beer

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me 
Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer
D: There should be more there, eh?
B: Where? 
Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four pounds of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer
D: ... in a tree 
See, you need more

B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five golden tuques
D: Four pound of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle necks
B: And a beer ... where?
D: (with Bob)
In a tree

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!
D: ... Christmas, my true love gave to me
C: Six ...
D: Six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques
C: Four ...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three ...
B: Three French toast
C: Two ...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer ...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree 
OK

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven pack of smokes
C: Nice gift!
D: Nice gift 
Oh ... six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques
C: Four ...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three ...
B: Three French toast
C: Two ...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer ...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree 
Keep forgetting
D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too hard for us! 
Go, hoser

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me
D: Eight comic books

B & D: Seven packs of smokes
Six pack of two-four
B: Five ...
C: (catches up) Five golden tuques
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks

All: And a beer ...

B & D: On my tree
B: Yeah, that beer is empty 
OK, day, um...
C: Twelve!
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve ...

All: Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums
D: So, like, that's our song 
Merry Christmas ...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! 
Ha-happy New Year, too
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts 
Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! 
Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ... or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a Dozen donuts ...
D: So, ... go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a dozen 
you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the "Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!
B: Take off!

D: Boy, that song was a beauty 
It ... it moved me
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven"
D: What?