How To Get Depressed
Composer(s): Bob Lind
Performer(s): Bob Lind



Beginning with the basics, you sit right down
And give a lot of thought to yourself
If any higher value should cross your mind
Consider the state of your health
Think of what that strange little cough could mean
And what you should have said to that jerk
Start with the assumption that something's wrong
And anything you think of will work
Make a list of who's slighted you
And all the things it's too late to do
Think of all your mistakes
And how little difference you make
You're halfway there

Don't be like the amateurs who waste their time
Counting up the bad breaks they've known
Use your time efficiently and call to mind
All of the good breaks you've blown
Think of all those chances for happiness
Chances that only knock once
Watch the clock and remind yourself
How the days keep turning to months
Judge people that you never met
Watch the news every chance you get
Spend your mornings inside
Keep defending your pride
You're almost there

Think about those sneaky middle-eastern creeps
Think about your backstabbing friends
Sit around remembering the good old days
Life was so much simpler then
If right now someone's heart is reaching out to you
Shut it hard away from your mind
You know you're prob'ly too cool for her
He's gonna suck up your time
Think of Hemingway, Monroe and van Gogh
Remind yourself of how the great ones go
Geniuses don't ask for help
You're kind of brilliant yourself
There you are