Where's Me Shirt?
Performer(s): Ken Dodd



Well it all began in the year of one
When Adam was the first man
And a girl called Eve, so we believe
Was made to be his woman
She led him up the Garden of Eden, by a tree
Then she offered him her apple
And he cried out suddenly (eee-eeee-eeeee)

Where's me shirt?
Where's me shirt?

I feel a proper twazzer without me shirt
I've got me tickling-tackle and me nicky-nocky-noo
But I must confess I feel undressed
Like this, in front of you

Where's me shirt?
I can't find me shirt anywhere 
It's twenty-five past five in the Garden of Eden and I can't find me shirt 
Fancy leaving me in a garden with no shirt on, like this 
Look at all these creepy-crawly things here 
Ooh, look, there's a serpent 
Go 'way 
Go 'way you nasty old serpent 
Go on, shoo! 
Go on, shoo!

Since the days of old, we've all been told
Of men like Bonaperte
His great retreat and his first defeat
Was the thing that broke his heart
He stuck just outside Moscow and then made history
He stuck his hand inside his coat
And cried out bitterly (eee-eeee-eeeee)

Where's me shirt?
Where's me shirt?

I can't go on like zis, wizout my shirt
I've had my tickle-tonic on my nicky-nocky-nee
But I just can't go through all this snow
Without a shirt on me

Where's me shirt?
Oh, sacre blue 
Sacre flippin' blue, where's me shirt? 
By Jove, t'ain't 'alf frosty 
Ooh, ooh, this tent isn't 'alf drafty 
I don't know where the draft's comin' from, but I know where it's goin' to

Back in eighty-one, in the mid-day sun
In Tombstone, one September
Wyatt Earp was due to go into
A gunfight he'd remember
The Clanton's and McLourys started firin' suddenly
As the gunsmoke cleared and the twonsfolk cheered
Wyatt Earp said quietly (eee-eeee-eeeee)

Where's me shirt?
Where's me shirt?

I feel a proper twit without me shirt
I've lost me ticklin'-tackle and me nicky-nocky-nee
But I feel a twerp, me Wyatt Earp
With my shirt shot off o' me

Ere, where's me shirt?
Where's me gunfightin' shirt? 
Ooh, I say, here comes the Indians 
'Ere, you be careful where you're shootin' those arrows 
Where's me shirt? 
Where's me shir... 
I can't find me shirt anywhere 
D'you know, I'm sure I had it when I came out 
Where's me shirt?