D.i.v.o.r.c.e.
Composer(s): Billy Connolly
Performer(s): Billy Connolly



Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart as any damn kid
But when you mention the V.e.t. he damn near flips his lid
Words like S.h.o.t. shot or W.o.r.m. worm
These are words which make him S.q.u.i.r.m. squirm
His Q.u.a.r.a.n.t.i.n.e starts today
Because he bit the V.e.t. and then he ran away
He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me
And that's why I am gonna get a D.i.v.o.r.c.e.

She shouted "get him Rover," and he jumped over, and bit my L.e.g.
She sank her teeth in my b.u.m. and called me an effin B.
Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O.f.f.-ski
And I'm going down to the town tonight to get a new B.i.r.d.

Oh yes his Q.u.a.r.a.n.t.i.n.e starts today
Both my wife and my wee scabby dog will soon be hauled away
That's why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can't hear
Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q.u.e.r. queer

Oh, I must admit that dog is acting Q.u.e.r. queer