Bad Jokes
Composer(s): Garrison Keillor
Performer(s): Woody Harrelson; John C. Reilly; Guys All-Star Shoe Band



The blind man's seeing eye dog
Pissed on the blind man's shoe
The blind man said, "Here Rover
Here's a piece of beef for you"
His wife said, "Don't reward him
You can't just let that pass"
The blind man said
"I gotta find his mouth
so I can kick him in the ass"
Bad Jokes
Lord I love them
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
oo oo oo whee
Bad jokes for me
You got one Dusty
I got one Lefty
Let's hear it
When God created woman
He gave not two breasts but three
When the middle one got in the way
God performed surgery
Woman stood before God
With middle breast in hand
Said "What do we do
With the useless boob?"
And got created man
Bad Jokes
Lord I love them
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
oo oo oo whee
Bad jokes for me
Gramps turned 80 the other day
He never did find his way
He dressed up in a brand new suit
Sitting in a big lawn chair
When a beautiful young naked woman
Stood up in front of the group
She offered gramps some super sex
And he said, "I'll take the soup!"
Bad Jokes
Lord I love them
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
oo oo oo whee
Bad jokes for me
You ready for another one?
Yea, lay it on me
Olie went to the neighborhood dance
And he won the big door prize
Was a toilet brush
And he took it home
And the next week one of the guys
Said, "Olie, how's that toilet brush
The one you won from the neighbors?"
Olie said, "Oh, it works pretty good
but I prefer toilet paper"
Bad Jokes
Lord I love them
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
oo oo oo whee
Bad jokes for me
Farmer had a champion bull
Bred 200 times a year
Farmer's wife said, "200 times
Isn't that wonderful dear
Maybe you otta watch 'em
Maybe he'll show you how"
Farmer said, "He's a heck of a bull
But it wasn't all with same cow"
Come on now
Bad Jokes
Lord I love them
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
oo oo oo whee
Bad jokes for me
You gotta another one Dusty?
Actually I do
You hear about the viagra shipment that got stolen?
No, who they think did that?
Well they don't know
But they are on the lookout for hardened criminals
You got another one?
I got another one Lefty
Sven said to his friend
"O, I think my wife died"
His friend said, "What do you mean you think?"
"Well, the sex is still the same
But the dishes are stacking up"
Hey Dusty
Yea Lefty
Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?
No, I didn't
Yea, it runs in your jeans
Heya, Lefty
Yea, go aheadin'
Why do they call it PMS?
PMS, well I don't know why?
Mad cow was already taken
Hey, Dusty
Yea, Lefty
What do you get when you cross
Holy water with castor oil?
I don't know Lefty
What do you get?
A religious movement
Heya, Hey, Lefty
What did the elephant
say to the naked man?
What did he say?
He said, "It's cute
But can you really breath
through that thing?"
Come on
Bad Jokes
Lord I love them
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
oo oo oo whee
Bad jokes for me
Bad Jokes
Man I love them
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
oo oo oo whee
Baaaad, Whoo
jokes for meee
Hey!