Bang Went The Chance Of A Lifetime
Performer(s): George Robey



Now old aunt Rebecca is rich
She's the Dowager Duchess of Diddle
When she dies I inherit a million or so
But the old girl's as fit as a fiddle
Whilst gunning the moors on the twelfth
In a quiet lonely spot by the sea
I saw someone there by the cliff, I declare
'Twas the Dowager Duchess of D!
At that critical moment some birds came in sight
So I upped with my gun and I blazed left and right
And I nearly hit auntie! Yes-nearly, not quite!
And bang went the chance of a lifetime
'Twas a pity, I say, 'twas a pity, I might have
struck her with one of the pellets-however
Returning one night from a ball
In a mellowish mood and reflective
I saw a strange light in a bank-I said, "Ha!
Like that, "Ha!"
I'll play Sherlock Holmes the detective"
A half-open window I spied
And inside I proceeded to slip
There a burglar I saw forcing wide the safe door
So I held him in muscular grip!
But he slipped and he bunked, he was wiry and thin
And the safe was wide open and slap full of "tin"!
I drew a deep breath-then two coppers rushed in!
And bang went the chance of a lifetime
'Twas a pity, I say, 'twas a pity, I might have got some of the, er, however
Oh, I hardly like to tell you the, er, personal, however
Now the wife and her mother (Oh, the mother!), last June
Went to stay with the Marquis de Caxey (She's alright, too)
So I saw them safe off in a taxi
At somewhere about ten o'clock
Came a telegram-Heavens alive!
Poor dear Ma and the wife! Fearful smash! Loss of life!
Total wreck of the eight-forty-five!
'Twas a terrible crash, eighty passengers slain!
And I manfully struggled my tears to restrain
When the ghastly news reached me-they'd both missed the train!
And bang went the chance of a lifetime!
Once I courted a sweet winsome wench
She was nineteen and also an heiress
(It's nice when a girl is a Venus galore
And also a millionairess!)
I wooed her, I wooed, I won (Wow, wow)
"My darling," she said, "I am thine!"
She swore she'd be true (Get away!)
So I thought I would too
What do you think? I thought it was fine!
My sweet Hyacinth, fairest of flowers that blow!
(With a millionaire Pa in Chicago, what ho!)
So I put up the banns, then the wife got to know
And bang went the chance of a lifetime