Black Bear Road
Composer(s): Bill Fries; Chip Davis
Performer(s): C.W. McCall



Me an' RJ an' the kids was on a camp-out in the mountains
and we had us one'a them U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep cars 
which we rented from a fella by the name of Kubozke for thirty bucks a day
buy your gas along the way
take a rabbit's foot and leave a pint of blood for a dee-posit

And he 'splained it all to us how we was supposed to get to Telluride
which is fifty miles away by way of the regular highway
however, there was a shortcut but unless we had drove the Black Bear Road before
we'd better be off to stay, stay in bed and sleep late
(Pay no attention to the guitar there)

Well, we took up off'n the highway and we come upon a sign says "Black Bear Road
You don't have to be crazy to drive this road, but it helps" 
I says, "RJ, this must the shortcut road Kubozke was talkin' about" 
She didn't pay no mind, 'cause she was makin' peanut butter sandwiches for the kids 
in the back seat throwin' rocks and drinkin' Kool-Aid and playin' count-the-license-plates
But they wasn't havin' too much fun a-countin' license plate or cars
'cause there weren't no other cars

We went about a mile-and-a-half in about four hours, busted off the right front fender
tore a hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall closet
Went over a bump and spilt the Kool-Aid 
and Roy Gene stuck his bolo knife right through the convertible top 
and the dog threw up all over the back seat
Peanut butter don't agree with him, you see

So we had to stop and take off the top and air everything out and clean it up
The dog run off and RJ says she felt her asthma comin' on
I was sittin' there wonderin' what to do 
when the en-tire scenic San Joo-wan U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car sank in the mud
At thirteen thousand feet above sea level

Well, we shoveled it out and ate our lunch, the dog made a yellow hole in the snow 
and Roy Gene got out his Instamatic and took a snapshot of it
Mary Elizabeth drawed a picture of the road
it looked like a whole bunch a' Zs and Ws all strung together
And RJ took one look at it and said that the only way that Jeep car is goin' down that road 
is over her dead body
Then a rock slipped out from under the wheel 
and the U-Drive-'Em Army Jeep car went right over the edge of the cliff
Yahoo-oo-oo-oo!

"Doggone-it, Roy Gene! How many times do I have to 'splain it to you? 
When I tell you to put a rock under the wheel, I mean rock! 
Now look at that, what you have there is no bigger'n a grapefruit"