Bosom Buddies 
Composer(s): Jerry Herman
Performer(s): Angela Lansbury
and various other artists



Vera and Mame:
We'll always be bosom buddies
Friends, sisters and pals
We'll always be bosom buddies
If life should reject you
There's me to protect you

Vera:
If I say that your tongue is vicious

Mame:
If I call you uncouth

Vera and Mame:
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and tell you the truth

Vera:
Tho' now and again I'm aware that my candid opinion may sting

Mame:
Tho' often my frank observation might scald
I've been meanin' to tell you for years
You should keep your hair natural like mine

Vera:
If I kept my hair natural like yours, I'd be bald
But darling

Vera and Mame
We'll always be dear companions

Vera:
My crony

Mame:
My mate

Vera and Mame:
We'll always be harmonizing

Vera:
Orphan Annie and Sandy

Vera and Mame:
Like Amos and Andy

Vera:
If I say that your sense of style's as far as off as your youth
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you the whole stinkin' truth

Mame:
Each time that a critic has written, "Your voice is the voice of a frog!"
Straight to your side to defend you I rush
You know that I'm there ev'ry time that the world makes an unkind remark
When they say "Vera Charles is the world's greatest lush!"
It hurts me!

Vera:
And if I say your fangs are showing
Mame, pull in your claws
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will notice the obvious flaws!

Mame:
I feel it's my duty to tell you it's time to adjust to your age
You try to be "Peg O' My Heart", when you're "Lady Macbeth"
Exactly how old are you, Vera? The truth!

Vera:
Well, how old do you think?

Mame:
I'd say somewhere in between forty and the death!

Vera and Mame:
But sweetie

Vera:
I'll always be Alice Toklas
If you'll be Gertrude Stein
And tho' I'll admit I've dished you
I've gossiped and gloated
But I'm so devoted

Mame:
And if I say that sex and guts made you into a star
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you how rotten you are

Vera and Mame:
Just turn your bosom buddy
For aid and affection
For help and direction
For loyalty, love and for sooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and level
And give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!