Muffin Man
Composer(s): Frank Zappa
Performer(s): Frank Zappa



The Muffin Man is seated at the table
In the laboratory of the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen ...
Reaching for an oversized chrome spoon
He gathers an intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants
And, brushing his scapular aside,
Proceeds to dump these inside of his shirt ...
He turns to us and speaks
"Some people like cupcakes better 
I, for one care less for them!"
Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing-anointment utensil
He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosetta
Near ...
(Let's try that again ...)
He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosetta
Near the summit of a dense-but-radiant muffin of his own design
Later he says
"Some people ... some people like cupcakes exclusively
While I myself say there is naught, nor ought there be
Nothing so exalted on the face of God's grey earth
As that Prince of Foods ... 
The Muffin!"

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
He hung around till you found
That he didn't know nuthin'

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he only was a-puffin'
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'

Girl, you thought he was a man
But he was a muffin
No cries is heard in the night
As a result of him stuffin'