Mussolini's Letter To Hitler
Composer(s): Carson J. Robison
Performer(s): Carson Robison



Dear Hitler: I wrote you a letter
And I used the new address you sent
But Moscow returned it this morning
With a word written on it in red
It’s a word I’ve been hearing quite often
And I know just how much it hurts
You’ve heard it yourself from the British 
Dear Adolf, that word was Nerts!
I’m writing again for a favor
Although I feel sure it’s no use
But now that Japan is your fall guy
Dear Adolf, oh please turn me loose!

I’m longing so much for the old days
When they greeted me with bravos
And I like the old salute better
Without their thumb to their nose
Your Gestapo you sent here to help me
Don’t know what a big shot I am
Please tell them their Bronx cheers annoy me
And I don’t like the way they say “Scram!”
The last speech I made to my people
I outlined your Russian idea
And instead of the cheers I expected
I heard someone snicker “Oh yeah?”

Last night I dreamed I saw Stalin
And here’s a suggestion he made
“Better tell your dear old friend Adolf
To brush up on his wallpaper trade
And the next time that you see Max Schmeling
Here’s something that he oughta know
The Yankees have got a new weapon
That’s known as Brown Bomber Joe”
Well Adolf, I better be closing
So Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil!
And please don’t forget that old promise
That you’d give me the whole British Isles!

P.S. Don’t think I’m complaining
But my wardrobe is looking quite sad
Can you spare me an old suit of Goering’s?
Maybe it won’t smell too bad