Unlucky Luke
Composer(s): Benny Hill
Performer(s): Benny Hill



They say if you build a better mousetrap
the world will beat a pathway to your house
If Luke was to build a better mousetrap 
somebody'd breed a smarter mouse
If it started raining soup his family'd all have forks
If they was to cut a woman in two, he'd get the half that talks

Unlucky Luke, unlucky kid
Why he broke into a betting shop and he lost four hundred quid
Now his parents never loved him like they did his sister, Kim
They could tied a kipper 'round his neck to get the cat to play with him
And he cried the day that he was weened 'cause he knew even then
It'd be twenty years before he was near anything like that again

They put his cradle on the ??? near the door
So the folks downstairs could hear him when he fell out on the floor
Now the saddest day of Luke's unhappy life, beyond a doubt
Was the day he went to hospital to get his tonsils out
He was on the operating theatre trolley sleeping sound
When a short-sighted nurse came past and turned the trolley 'round

Unlucky Luke, no wonder he hollers
His sick aunt died and in her will he owed her forty dollars
Now Luke married Charlie's widow, a lady with no manners
She had a figure like a hippo and face like a bag of spanners
She told him she'd four children in the cemetary by the creek
She forgot to tell they was down there playin' hide and seek

Unlucky Luke, at the age of fifty-two
Had a wife, a girlfriend and a tax demand and all three were overdue
Now Luke came home one lunch time, he'd been out selling lucky charms
He tripped over a neighbour's cat and fractured both his arms
He said, "Hey, that's a black cat, why that's lucky, I've a hunch"
His wife said, "That cat's lucky 'cause he's just had your lunch"

Last night he lost his pet alsation pup
So he phoned up the Samaritans but the Samaritans hung up
Oh Luke, he had to go to France, his wife said, "I suppose you'll fly"
He said, "With luck like mine the plane'll crash and I'm too young to die"
So he sailed there in the safety of an ocean-going ship
But he got drowned when the boat went down when the plane crashed into it"

Unlucky Luke, unlucky Luke
Until the day he died fate was against unlucky Luke