Change The Name
(Traditional)
Performer(s): Michelle Shocked



Well, of course, this actually happened 
In the reconstruction days of the South it got to be pretty serious 
when the carpet-baggers came down and started running the whole show down here 
And things were especially rough up in the state of Arkansas 
when it was very seriously proposed to change the name of the state 
And this is taken down on the Legislative rolls which can now be found 
I think, under the date of July the 23rd, 1867 
And this is what the hometown boy had to say 
I think first he pulled out his horse-pistol and laid it across his desk so he wouldn't be interrupted

Mr Speaker, god-damn your soul, for more than thirty minutes I've been trying to get your attention 
but every time I caught your eye you squirmed like a damn dog with a flea in his ass

I guess you know who I am Sir 
My name is Cassius M. Johnson from Jackson County, Arkansas 
where a man can't stick his ass out the window and shit without it getting riddled with bullets 
Why Sir, I was fourteen years old before I had my first pair of pants and they was of buckskin 
But at the age of seventeen Mr Speaker, I had a jock on me the size of a roasting ear and it was the pride of Jackson County 
And you propose to change the name of Arkansas 
Never, by God Sir, never!

I'm out of order? 
How can I be out of order when I can piss clear across the Mississippi River?

Where was Andrew Jackson when the battle of New Orleans was fought? 
He was right thar Sir, up to his ass in blood 
And you change the name of Arkansas? 
Never, when I can defend her

You may shit on the grave of George Washington 
Piss on the monument of Thomas Jefferson 
You may desecrate the sacred remains of the immortal General Robert E. Lee 
You may rape the Goddess of Liberty and wipe your ass on the Stars and Stripes 
And your crime, your crime Sir will no more compare to this hellish design 
than the glow of a lightning-bug's ass to the glare of the noon days sun 
And you propose to change the name of Arkansas 
Never, by God Sir, never!

You may compare the lily of the valley to the glorious sunflower 
Or the sun-kissed peaks of the highest mountains to the smokin' turd of a dunghill 
Or the classic strains of Mozart to the fart of a Mexican burrow 
You may compare the puny penis of a Peruvian prince to the ponderous buttocks of the Roman gladiator 
But change the name of Arkansas? 
Never, by God Sir, never!