Wild Bill Hiccup
Composer(s): Brandt; Morgan
Performer(s): Spike Jones & His City Slickers



Singers:
Here is a western we saw last night
Full of action and dynamite
We thrilled and nearly stood on our head
From the moment the hero walked in and said

Bill:
I'm Wild Bill Hiccup and I'm brave and strong
I been ridin' the range for six months long
I been ridin' the range a-roundin' up cattle
I got so many blisters, I'm tall in the saddle

Pete:
I am a villain, I'm mean as can be
I hate the hero 'cause he sings off-key
I'm an ornery cuss and I'm so full o' lead
When a rattlesnakes bites me, he drops down dead
Why, chewing on bullets is my daily routine
(Spitoon Sound) See what I mean?

Indian:
Ugh, me indian, nice and tanned
Uuh, me also businessman
We're taking scalps to make a penny
Sell them to man named Jack Benny

Singers:
Our story takes place in a lawless town
They'd called on Hiccup to tame things down
He has just arived and who should he meet
But a no-good outlaw Poison Pete

Bill:
Pete, I hear you've been a-rustling again

Pete:
And I blew up the bank and I shot twenty men
I held up the stagecoach, and robbed the mail car

Bill:
One of these days you're gonna go too far

Bill:
So you think that you're a pretty good fighter

Pete:
You should have seen what I did to Pink Rider

Bill:
You mean Red Rider?

Pete:
No, he changed his name
He got faded last week in a big crap game

Pete:
I think you're a coward through and through
I'm gonna tell the whole town what I think of you
(Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!) So there!

Bill:
Shootin' off your mouth won't get you anywhere

Bill:
You better leave town if you wanna live
Or I'll fill you full with holes till you look like a sieve
My old six-shooter is a-achin' to spout

Pete:
You better cover up the muzzle, the candy's falling out

Singers:
Now the mood of our story changes fast
Hiccup is back on his ranch at last

Bill:
Well, here I am, I better get dressed
I've got a heavy date, I wanna look my best
I'll take a quick shower and smell like a flower
(Quick Shower Noise) That was a mighty quick shower

Bill:
Who's a-knockin' at my door

Annie:
It's Gopher Annie, the girl you adore

Bill:
Gopher Gal, you've changed somehow

Annie:
Do I look like a cowgirl?
Bill:
No, like a cow

Annie:
Bill, do you like the perfume in my hair

Bill:
Is that the perfume you always wear?

Annie:
No, this is stronger, it's more alive

Bill:
What do you call it?

Annie:
Corral number five

Bill:
Gal, I can see you've been ridin'

Annie
Of course, and I had to put the blindfold on the horse

Bill:
Blindfold a horse, you're crazy in the head

Annie:
If he sees what he's carrying, I'm afraid he'll drop dead

Bill:
Gal, I loves ya, deep down inside
And I've been needin' a wife since old Kate died

Annie:
What, stop just staring, why don't you propose?

Bill:
I can't find a ring the size of your nose

Bill:
Anyway I've got to find Poison Pete
I think he's hidin' at Girdle Creek

Annie:
Girdle Creek, there must be a catch
Is it far from here?

Bill:
It's quite a stretch

Bill:
Well, here we are, it's the end of the ride
Pete and his gang are waitin' inside
Now here's my plan, be as quiet as a mouse
I'll sneak in, and you surround the house

Annie:
Here's your gun

Pete:
I don't need a gun
I'm gonna throw that gang out, one by one

Annie:
I hope you know what you're talking about

Pete:
You just count 'em as I throw 'em out

Annie: 
One!

Pete: Stop counting, that's me!