I've Never Seen A Straight Banana 
Composer(s): Ted Waite 
Performer(s): The Happiness Boys
and multiple other artists



You may have seen some funny things in your time
But there's one thing you've not seen, I'd like to bet
Would you like to know just what you have been missing?
I'll tell you in the chorus but not yet
Now I've got you puzzled
So I'll tell you what I mean
The thing that's in my mind 
I must confess, I haven't seen

I have never, never, never, never
I've never seen a straight banana
I guess I must admit
That I have searched quite a bit 
They're even curved when they are served in my banana split
I have seen them by the car-load on the Delaware & Lacawana
But have you ever? No, I've never
I've never seen a straight banana

I recall when I was in Alaska
I saw the sun at twelve-o'clock at night
I've seen the waterfalls at old Niagara
I can vouch it is a most impressive sight
But I'd like to see one certain thing
But if it's not to be
I'd like to meet somebody else
Who saw what I can't see

I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana
Although the things I hate
Hundreds I have ate
But I've never yet seen one banana that was straight
I have traveled far to find one
I've been to Chili and Havana
But I've never, never, never 
I've never seen a straight banana

I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana
Once I chanced to see a real life murder mystery
The jury found the prisoner guilty in the first degree
All at once we heard the prisoner holler out
"This is the truth, your honor
I've never, never never, never
Never, never, never, never
I've never seen a straight banana