The Eleven Hours Of Christmas
Performer(s): Jim Haynes



By the first hour of Christmas the kids are all awake 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the second hour of Christmas the kids begin to make
Too much noise.... 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the third hour of Christmas the toys begin to break
Three broken toys, too much noise.... 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the fourth hour of Christmas your head begins to ache -
For no one enjoys, three broken toys, Too much noise..... 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the fifth hour of Christmas you just have to take 
Five aspirins please.... for no one enjoys, three broken toys, too much noise....
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the sixth hour of Christmas you make a big mistake
Six cans of beer, five aspirins please.... for no one enjoys, three broken toys, too much noise.... 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the seventh hour of Christmas - your hands begin to shake 
Seven relatives appear, six cans of beer, five aspirins please.... for no one enjoys, three broken toys, too much noise.... 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the eighth hour of Christmas dinner has been baked 
Ate too much again, seven relatives appear, six cans of beer, five aspirins please.... 
for no one enjoys, three broken toys, too much noise.... 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the ninth hour of Christmas your stomache starts to quake
Nine hours of pain, ate too much again, seven relatives appear, six cans of beer, five aspirins please.... 
for no one enjoys, three broken toys, too much noise.... 
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the tenth hour of Christmas you're eating Auntie's cake 
Ten rows have started, nine hours of pain, ate too much again, seven relatives appear
six cans of beer, five aspirins please.... for no one enjoys, three broken toys, too much noise....
One can tell it's Christmas Day

By the eleventh hour of Christmas - go home for goodness sake -
Eleven couples parted, ten rows have started, nine hours of pain, ate too much again, seven relatives appear
six cans of beer, five aspirins please.... for no one enjoys, three broken toys, too much noise....
One can tell it's Christmas Day

If I get that old wishbone, I will make three wishes
I'd wish that I was on my own every single Christmas
I'd wish that I could disappear when relatives intruded
I'd wish with noisy toys each year...batteries weren't included!