Alice's Restaurant
Composer(s): Arlo Guthrie
Performer(s): Arlo Guthrie; Enoch Light; The New Christy Minstrels



This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the restaurant 
but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant, that's just the name of the song 
and that's why I called the song Alice's Restaurant

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on Thanksgiving 
when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant 
but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the restaurant 
in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and Fasha the dog 
And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs where the pews used to be in  
Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the pews 
they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time

We got up there, we found all the garbage in there 
and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump  
So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW microbus 
took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the city dump

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving"  
And we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before 
and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage

We didn't find one 
Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff 
and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage 
And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles 
and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down

That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat 
went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie  
He said, "Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage 
and just wanted to know if you had any information about it" 
And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage"

After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone 
we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage 
and also had to go down and speak to him at the police officer's station  
So we got in the red VW microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction 
and headed on toward the police officer's station

Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at the police station 
and the first was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest on the telephone 
which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it 
and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again 
which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station 
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested  
Handcuffed  
And I said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on"  
He said, "Shut up, kid 
Get in the back of the patrol car"

And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote
I want tell you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here 
they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police car 
but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars 
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it 
And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station 
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints
and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows 
and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us  
Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner 
and that's not to mention the aerial photography

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail  
Obie said he was going to put us in the cell  
Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt"  
And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell 
but what do you want my belt for?"  
And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings"  
I said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?" 
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, 'cause he took out the toilet seat 
so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the
roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape  
Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice (remember Alice? It's a song about Alice) 
Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church 
had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning 
when we all had to go to court

We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures 
with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down  
Man came in said, "All rise"  
We all stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures 
and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down 
Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures 
with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog 
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows 
and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry 
'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American blind justice 
and there wasn't nothing he could do about it 
and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows 
and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us  
And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that's not what I came to tell you about

Came to talk about the draft

They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street, where you walk in 
you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected  
I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down 
got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning  
`Cause I wanted to look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted
I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York 
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things 
And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604"

And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill  
I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill  
Kill  
I wanna, I wanna see
I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth  
Eat dead burnt bodies 
I mean kill, Kill, Kill, Kill"  
And I started jumping up and down yelling, "Kill, Kill" 
and he started jumping up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "Kill, Kill"  
And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy"

Didn't feel too good about it

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections 
and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there 
and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time 
going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there 
and they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched  
Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the last man, I walked in 
walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?"  
He said, "Kid, we only got one question 
Have you ever been arrested?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre 
with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome... 
and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever go to court?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures 
with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said 
"Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... Now kid!!"

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is 
Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime 
and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there  
Mother rapers 
Father stabbers 
Father rapers!  
Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me!  
And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me 
And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me 
and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?"  
I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage"  
He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" 
And I said, "Littering"  
And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things 
till I said, "And creating a nuisance"  
And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench 
talking about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench  
And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sergeant came over 
had some paper in his hand, held it up and said

"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-
any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-officer's-name-and-any-
other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said 
but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there 
and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was 
and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side 
in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side 
in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words

("Kid, Have You Rehabilitated Yourself?")

I went over to the sergeant, said, "Sergeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself 
I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 
'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug"  
He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington"

And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints  
And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is 'cause you may know somebody in a similar situation 
or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing you can do 
and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are, just walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant"  
And walk out
You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him  
And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them 
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out 
They may think it's an organization  
And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day walking in 
singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out  
And friends they may thinks it's a movement

And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement 
and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar

With feeling  
So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and sing it when it does  
Here it comes

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

That was horrible  
If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud 
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes 
I could sing it for another twenty five minutes  
I'm not proud... or tired

So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part harmony and feeling

We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing

All right now

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

Da da da da da da da dum
At Alice's Restaurant