Lonesome Cowboy Burt 
Composer(s): Frank Zappa
Performer(s): Jimmy Carl Black
and multiple other artists



My name is Burtram, I am a redneck
All my friends, they call me Burt

Hi, Burt!

All my family from down in Texas
Make their livin’ diggin’ dirt

Come out here to Californy
Just to find me some pretty girls
Ones I seen gets me so horny
Ruby lips
N’teeth like pearls

Wanna love ’em all
Wanna love ’em dearly
Wann pretty girl
I’ll even pay ...

I’ll buy ’em furs 
I’ll buy ’em jewelry ...
I know they like me 
Here’s what I’ll say

I’m lonesome cowboy Burt
(speakin’ atcha!)
Come smell my fringe-y shirt
(reekin’ atcha!)
My cowboy pants
My cowboy dance
My bold advance
On this here waitress ...

He’s lonesome cowboy Burt
Don’tcha get his feelings hurt

Come on in this place
An’ I’ll buy you a taste
You can sit on my face
Where’s my waitress?

Burtram, Burtram redneck
Burtram, Burtram redneck

I’m an awful nice guy
Sweat all day in the sun
I’m a roofer by trade
Quite a bundle I’ve made
I’m unionized roofin’ old
Son-of-a-gun

He’s a unionized roofin’ old
Son-of-a-gun

When I get off, I get plastered
I drink till I fall on the floor
Find me some communist bastard
N’ stomp on his face till he don’t
Move no more

He stomps on his face till he don’t
Move no more

I fuss an’ I cuss and I keep on drinkin’
Till my eyes puff up an’ turn red
I drool on m’shirt
I see if he’s hurt
Then I kick him again in the head, let’s

Kick him again in the head! boys!
Kick him again in the head! now!
Kick him again in the head!

I’m lonesome cowboy Burt
(speakin’ atcha!)
Come smell my fringe-y shirt
(reekin’ atcha!)
My cowboy pants
My cowboy dance
My bold advance
On this here waitress ...

He’s lonesome cowboy Burt
Don’tcha get his feelings hurt

Come on in this place
An’ I’ll buy you a taste
You can sit on my face
Where’s my waitress?
Opal, you hot little bitch!