The Awful Battle Of The Pekes And The Pollicles
Composer(s): Andrew Lloyd-Weber



Of the awful battle of the pekes and the pollicles 
Together with some account 
Of the participation of the pugs and the poms 
And the intervention of the great Rumpus Cat!!! 
The pekes and the pollicles everyone knows 
Are a proud and implacable passionate foes 
It is always the same whereever one goes 
And the Pugs and the Poms although most people say 
That they did not like fighting yet once in a way 
Will once and again join into the fray 
And they 
Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark 
Until you could hear them all over the park 
Now on the occassion of which I shall speak 
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week 
And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke 
The big police dog was away from his beat 
I don't know the reason but most people think 
He slipped into the Wellington's Arms for a drink 
And no one at all was about on the street 
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet 
They did not advance or exactly retreat 
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet 
And they started to 
Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark 
Until you could hear them all over the park 
And they 
Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark 
Until you could hear them all over the park. 
Now the Peke although people may say what they please 
Is no British dog but Heathen Chinese 
And so all the Pekes when they heard the uproar 
Some came to the window, some came to the door 
And together they started to grumble and wheeze 
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese 
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like 
For your Pollicle dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke 
There are dogs out of every nation 
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian
and even from China and Spain
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian 
And the Mastiff who walks on a chain
And to those that are frisky and frolical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain
That my name it is simply symbolical
and you'd better not do it again!" 
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters 
And every dog-jack of them notable fighters 
And so they stepped out with their pipers in order 
Playing "When the Blue Bonnets Come Over The Border" 
And the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof 
But some from the balcony some from the roof 
Joined into the din with a 
Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark 
Until you could hear them all over the park 
Huffery snuffery huffery snuff! 
Until you could hear them all over the park 
Bark Bark Bark Bark (x 100) 
No!!!! 
(Silence) 
When these bold hereos together assembled 
The traffic all stopped 
And the Underground trembled 
And some of the people were so much afraid 
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade! 
When suddenly up from a small basement flat 
Why who should stalk out but the Great Rumpus Cat!!!! 
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing 
He gave a great yawn and his jaws were amazing 
And when he looked out through the bars of the area 
You never saw anything fiercer... 
... Or hairier 
And what with a glare of his eyes and his yawning 
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning 
He looked to the sky and he gave a great leap 
And every last one of them scattered like sheep! 
And when the Police dog returned to his beat 
There wasn't a single one left on the street! 
All hail and all bow to the Great Rumpus Cat!!!!