Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone
Composer(s): Glen Sutton
Performer(s): Ray Stevens



Well, you've heard of Samson and Hercules 
They both brought a lot of folks to their knees
And throughout history their legends have grown and grown
Then there was Tarzan and Superman and Captain Marvel with the cool Shazam
But there weren't even any that compare to the Blue Cyclone

In a little bar one Wedensday night, me and ole Bill was about half tight
Comparin' Dolly Pardon to Lana Turner and Liz
When Bill winked at me and downed his beer and said 
"Hoss, there ain't nothin' happenin' here!"
"Let's go to the rasslin' matches where the action is!"

Well, I'd never seen the matches before and when we reached the arena door
The crowd was already backed up out in the street
And people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle 
Just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle
We had to fight like hell but we finally got ring side seats

Then we bought a progam as we passed though the door 
Went section D, seats three and four
And about that time the announcer stepped in the ring
He said, "Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed 
We got a tag team match that'll blow yer mind!"
And they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream

He introduced the Spider from parts unknown with his trusty partner, the Blue Cyclone
They were takin' on a team that never had been beat
Well, the ref checked 'em over the rules were explained 
And somebody hollered, "The Spider's got a chain!"
And in come the Vulture with his manager, Sneaky Pete

Then they rang the bell and all hell broke loose 
My legs were shakin' like a rubber goose
'Cause I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war! 
Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin 
Then he body slammed him then he did it again
And I swear I didn't see how that cat could take much more

Then a little old lady right next to me 
Why, if she was a day, she was eighty-three
But she raised more sin than any man I've ever seen
She screamed and cussed in the Cyclone's face 
Till they carried her away like a basket case
Then the po-lice came and formed a circle around the ring

Then on the second row up jumped a man 
I could see a pocket knife in his hand
He hollered, "Let me in there and I'll mop up the floor!"
His wife reached up and grabbed his sleeve 
And I saw him breath a sigh of releif
And then he sat down and he never did say no more

It was right about there in the thick of things 
That my buddy, Bill threw a chair in the ring
And that's when I knew that we'd better head for the door
'Cause I saw that Cyclone lookin' at us and he rubbed his head and started to cuss
And I knew if he caught us he'd break Bill's neck for sure

Well, where we'd parked wasn't that far and Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car
And locked the doors and wasn't 'bout to let nobody in
And I turned around and Cyclone was there and he said 
"Hey, punk! You forgot yer chair!"
And by the look in his eyes I knew that this was the end

Then he jumped up real high in the air and both feet caught me with a flyin' mare
And I saw stars when I hit that hard concrete
It broke both of my arms and three of my ribs, it's the closet thing I've come to bein' killed
That's the last thing I remember before he put me to sleep!

Put that sleeper on me...
You know, I oughtta slam Bill! Heh! Lockin' the car doors like that!
Left me out there to fight the Cyclone by myself...
Heh! I ain't a rassler!
I'll tell you one thing... Cyclone was lucky I was drinkin'!
Soon as I get well... He's had it! 
I'll get him if it's the last thing I ever do...