The Diet Song
Composer(s): Shel Silverstein
Performer(s): Shel Silverstein
and multiple other artists



Breakfast, black coffee, one slice of dry toast
No butter, no jelly, no jam
Lunch, just some lettuce, two celery stalks
No booze, no potatoes, no ham
Dinner, one chicken wing, broiled not fried
No gravy, no biscuits, no pie
And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin'
Sure is a rough way to die

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune
A glass of skim milk and that`s all
Turn off the TV, that Big Mac commercial
It's drivin` me right up the wall
And I`m thinkin` of french fries, sausage and waffles
Spaghetti and cookies and cake
And each night I`m dreamin` of chocolate ice cream
And I`m starvin` to death when I wake

Supper, two pieces of cauliflower raw
Some beefsteak the size of a nail
One sliced tomato, a small dab of slaw
I swear I ate better in jail
Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose
Girl, that's the least you can do
Put down that candy bar while I`m singin'
I`m starvin' my buns off for you

You`re fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes
But it's bouillon and water for me
Hey, you got a lock on the refrigerator
Lord knows where you`re hidin' the key
While I`m starvin' for food late at night
I`m starvin' for lovin` from you
But you say that when I can see my own dick
You`ll be glad to look at it too

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune
A glass of skim milk and that's all
You and Jane Fonda and old Richard Simmons
Are drivin` me right up the wall

Now when I am dead with the insurance paid
You`ll look down at me and you`ll grin
You`ll say, "Well, the boy tried and he suffered and died
But don`t he look good when he`s thin", oh my

This dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin'
Sure is a rough way to die