The Hole In The Ground
Composer(s): Ted Dicks - Myles Rudge
First release by: Bernard Cribbins - 1962



There I was, a-diggin' this 'ole
'Ole in the ground, so big and sort o' round it was
And there was I, diggin' it deep
It was flat at the bottom and the sides were steep
When along comes this bloke in a bowler
Which he lifted and scratched his 'ead
Woooh, he looked down the 'ole
Poor demented soul and he said

"Do you mind if I make a suggestion?

Don't dig there, dig it elsewhere
Your digging it round and it ought to be square
The shape of it's wrong, it's much too long
And you can't put hole where a hole don't belong"

I ask, what a liberty, eh?
Nearly bashed him right in the bowler

Well, there was I, a-stood in me 'ole
Shovellin' earth for all that I was worth, I was
And there was 'im, standin' up there
So grand and official with his nose in the air
So I gave him a look sort of sideways
And I leaned on me shovel and sighed
Woooh, I lit me a fag
And havin' took a drag I replied

I just couldn't bear to dig it elsewhere
I'm diggin' it round 'cos I don't want it square
And if you disagree, it doesn't bother me
That's the place where the 'oles gonna be

Well there we were, discussing this 'ole
'Ole in the groud, so big and sort o' round
It's not there now, the ground's all flat
And beneath it is the bloke in the bowler hat

And that's that!