The Son Of Irving
Performer(s): Frank Gallop



You remember how Irving got three slugs in the belly?
How it happened outside the Frontier Deli?
How he lived by his gun and died by his gun?
Well, no one knew fat Irving had a son 

Named Seymour
Tall, slim Seymour
Tall, slim, excellent-looking Seymour
Son of the hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West 

He had steamy eyes and stood six-foot four
When he walked in the bar, he filled the door
He had a gun in one hand, and the folks would stare
'Cause in his other hand, he had a teddy bear

Seymour
Tall, sissy Seymour
Tall, excellent-looking, sissy Seymour
Son of the hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West

Seymour was dressed in boots magenta
By his mother, Esther, a dance hall yente
She had one goal, and he never mocked her
She dreamed he'd marry a lady doctor

Seymour
Momma's boy Seymour
Excellent-looking, big baby Seymour
Son of the hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West 

One day Seymour rode into town
Billy the Kid was waitin' to shoot him down
Seymour disguised himself in a dress and bustle
And rode out of town as Lillian Russell 

Seymour
Side-saddled Seymour
Tall, really excellent-looking Seymour
Son of the hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West 

But then Seymour made Bad Max a dare
There stood Seymour, one hand on his gun and one on his teddy bear
But Bad Max shot Seymour down in the high noon sun
Stupid Seymour had drawn his teddy, and hugged his gun

Seymour
Mortally wounded Seymour
Not so excellent-looking Seymour
Dead, dum-dum Seymour
Truly, the son of the hundred and forty-second fastest gun in the West
Really