The Trial Of Hissing Sid
Composer(s): Jeremy Lloyd - Jim Parker
Performer(s): Keith Mitchell



Today's a special day
For Captain Beaky and his Band
Since Hissing Sid's been brought to trial
And in the dock he stands
Presiding is Lord Justice Pig
Who bangs his gavel twice
'Order!' cried the Clerk
Said Batty Bat, 'I'll have an ice'
'A good idea' said Timid Toad
'Make mine a lemon tea'
'Just one more word,' said Justice Pig
'And you'll do one to three'
'I won't have talking in my court'
'In law it's called contempt'
Said Artful Owl, 'as prosecution'
'I trust I'll be exempt'

Now Captain Beaky and his band
That's Rat, Bat, Toad and me
Apprehended Hissing Sid
Whilst doing villainy
Said Justice Pig, 'be more precise'
'What dark deed did he do?'
Said Batty Bat, 'before you sat'
'He wiped your seat with glue'
Said Justice Pig, 'It's not your turn'
'Your outburst I've deleted'
'But as I've tried to get up twice'
'The Court will all stay seated'

Said Q.C. Crow, 'I must object'
'To rabbits on the Jury'
'The way this case is going on 
'My client's stiff with fury'
'What's wrong with rabbits Owl?' said Bat
'They look alright to me'
Said Beaky, 'there were 12 just now'
'And now there's 23'
'24!' cried Justice Pig,
'There's one more by my chair'
Said Q.C. Crow, 'there's little doubt'
'This trial is most unfair'
'And how can all these rabbits'
'Just arrived know good from bad?'
'They can't of course,' said Justice Pig
'Now hands up this one's dad'

'I f-fear we've lost the case,' said Toad
Sighed Beaky, 'sad but true'
Said Owl, 'there's one charge that will stick'
Cried Beaky, 'right, the glue'
Then they saw the empty dock
'He's gone,' cried Reckless Rat
'And so has my best overcoat'
'And where's my reckless hat?'

Said Beaky, 'he's disguised himself'
'It's up to us to find him'
And as he leapt off through the woods
His band were close behind him
But though they searched both high and low
And all points in between
Not a sign of Hissing Sid in
Hat and coat was seen

Said Bat, 'I'll fly up in the sky'
'And see if I can spot him,'
Said Timid Toad, 'I'll hold my breath'
'And breathe out when you've got him
'The weather's turning warm,' said Owl
'Who needs a hat and coat'
'We could spend all afternoon'
'All happily afloat'
'Good idea,' said Reckless Rat
'Right ho,' said Captain Beaky
'We'll climb aboard my biscuit tin'
'The H.M.S. Most Leaky'

And as they sailed off down the Thames
Bat searched with all his might
Until he signalled 'S.O.S.'
Which means, Snake Out Of Sight
Said Beaky, 'shouldn't Toad be green'
'I fear he's turning blue'
'He hasn't let his breath out yet'
Cried Rat, 'what shall we do?'
Said Owl, 'just pass the pepper pot'
'It's sure to make him sneeze'
'Apart from which, the wind's just dropped'
'We need the extra breeze'
Uh-uh-uh-uh--chew!

And guess who watched them disappear
From a dark hole where he hid
With beady eyes 'neath stolen hat
You're right - yes, Hissing Sid