Thirteen Tons Of Ice Cream
Performer(s): Shel Silverstein



A ninety mile run
In the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration

Well, I was loaded and locked
At the Tampa docks
Miami was my destination
With some coffee and an upper
I'll be home in time for supper
According to my calculation
But those ice cream bars
In my 'frigeration car
Were too great a temptation
So I pulled on over to the side of the road
And had me an ice cream celebration 

Then just outside of the
Everglades
I got a strange sensation 
What was drippin' down my nose

Soakin' my clothes
Weren't no perspiration?
'Cuz I must've forgot
And left the hatch unlocked
Now I came to the realization
I got thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration 
'Cuz a ninety-mile run in the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration 

There was pralines and cream droppin' into my lap
And that's a source of irritation
And that Chunky-Monkey fillin' up the cab
That can disturb a fellah's concentration
That Cherry Jubilee
Right up to my knees
Can make a truckin' man's ruination
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration

When I pull into Tampa you can damn well bet
There'll be a big investigation
And under cross examination
I'll deny all of the allegations
Then me and the boss we're gonna have
One of them real short conversations
Then he's gonna be advisin' me

To find a brand new occupation
A ninety-mile run in the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration 

Well, I'm gonna tell him where he can Stick
His whole screwed-up organization
Then I'm gonna head right on down to the Union Hall
And apply for arbitration
Then get me some fancy legal representation
And sue the whole God damn truckin' corporation
And win a Big cash compensation
And then take a seven-month vacation
At some tropical location
With some uh... female stimulation
And do a little copulation
Out in the vegetation
And get a little inebriation goin'
Ohhh... what a sweet sensation!
Lemme see now... what flavor should I have...
Hmm-Hmmm... they're all running together
I believe this is a whole new kinda ice cream
Heee-hee-heee...