Too Drunk To Fish
Composer(s): C.W. Kalb Jr. - Glenn Fortner
Performer(s): Ray Stevens



Recitation 
Now me and Harold this buddy of mine decided that we'd go fishin' one time 
So we drove to the lake with my brand new bass boat 
I brought the fishin' poles the pork and beans 
The saltine crackers and the canned sardines, and Harold brought all the booze one man could tote 
While I loaded the boat and filled the tank and tried to get that motor to crank 
Harold just sat there sippin' on a longneck beer 
While I was steerin' the boat and tyin' the plugs he was drinkin' moonshine straight from the jug 
and he was singing "Melancholy Baby" when we left the pier, huh, huh... 

Oh, never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'
'Cause things just might not work out like you'd wish
Just leave that fool at home to drink
He'll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish 

Recitation 
Well, I was concentratin', perfectin' my cast, hopin' to land a trophy bass 
and Harold was havin' trouble tryin' to find the lake
Layin' there beside him at his feet was an anchor line coiled up real neat 
Harold saw it went white as a ghost and hollered "Snake!!!!!!" 
Well, he jumped straight up and began to yell 
I said "Sit down Harold and behave yourself 
Can't you see that ain't nothin' but a piece of rope" 
Ha, ha... 
Well, he was scared to death, plumb out of his mind tryin' not to get bit by that anchor line 
and he grabbed my shotgun blew a hole in the bottom of the boat...
(Blam!!! Harold!!! Glup... glub... glub) 

Never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'
'Cause things just might not work out like you'd wish
Just leave that fool at home to drink
He'll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish 

Recitation 
Now too drunk to fish is too drunk to swim 
So I was dog paddlin' and draggin' him and finally made it to a little sand bar just big enough for two 
It was way after dark when that helicopter came with that big searchlight and callin' our names 
And Harold looked up to the sky and said, "Lord is that you?" 

Slowly 
And then he knelt there in that heavenly glow and said 
"Lord you know I ain't ready to go so if you pass me by tonight, oh... I will reform" 
Then they threw down a raft and I paddled us home he never touched a drop from that moment on 
Ya know the Lord works in mysterious ways his miracles to perform

Never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'
'Cause things just might not work out like you'd wish
Just leave that fool at home to drink
He'll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish
Don't go near the water with a man too drunk to fish...