Nursery School
Composer(s): Joyce Grenfell
Performer(s): Joyce Grenfell



1. Free Activity Period


Oh, hello, Mrs Hingle
I'm so glad you could come along
As you see, we're just having a Free Activity Period
and in our Free Activity Period each little individual chooses his or her own occupation
Some are painting, some are using plasticine, and some work at a sand-table
We feel that each little one must get to the bottom of his or herself
and find out what he really wants of life
Who is making that buzzing noise?
Well, stop it please, Neville
Hazel, dear, come away from the door and get on with your plasticine
I love to see them so happily occupied, each one expressing his little personality...
George - don't do that...
Now, children, I want you all to say 'Good morning' to Mrs Hingle
Good morning, Mrs Hingle
No, Sidney, not good-bye
Mrs Hingle has only just come
You don't want her to go away yet?
No, she hasn't got a funny hat on, that's her hair
So sorry, Mrs Hingle
Sometimes we ARE just a trifle outspoken
We try to encourage honesty, only sometimes it doesn't always...
And this is my friend Caroline, and Caroline is painting such a lovely red picture
aren't you, Caroline? 
I wonder what it is? 
Perhaps it's a lovely red sunset, is it? 
Or a big red orange?
It's a picture of Mummy! 
For a moment I thought it was a big red orange, but now you tell me
I can see it is a picture of Mummy
Aren't you going to give her any nose?
No nose
It's so interesting the way they see things
Sidney, don't blow at Edgar, please
I know I said you could choose what you are going to do
but you cannot choose to blow at Edgar
Because it isn't a good idea
Yes, I know it makes his hair go up and down, but I don't want you to do it
Now get back to the sand-table, there's a good boy
Yes, there is room, Sue; there's heaps of room
Just move up a bit
Susan! We never bite our friends
Say you are sorry to Sidney 
You needn't kiss him
No, you needn't hug him 
Susan, PUT HIM DOWN
No fisticuffs, please
She hasn't made any teeth marks, has she, Sidney?
Well then... don't fuss
Sometimes our little egos are on the big side, I'm afraid...
Hazel, dear, I don't want to have to say it again: please come away from the door
Why can't you?
Well, you shouldn't have put your finger in the key hole, 
and then it wouldn't have got stuck
Children, there is no need for everyone to come and have a look 
just because poor Hazel has caught her finger in the keyhole
Back to your work, please
No, Sidney, I don't think it is stuck in there for ever and ever
I don't for one minute think we will have to get the Fire Brigade 
to come and take the door down to set her free
You do exaggerate, Sidney
Well, if we haven't got her finger out by dinner-time she'll have to have it here
And her tea
And her supper and stay the night
But we are going to get it out, aren't we, Hazel?
David
Turn round, please, David
Right round
Use your hanky, please, David
And again
And again
And now wipe
Thank you, David
Hazel, why did you put your finger in the keyhole?
To see if it would go in!
Well, now let's see if we can get it out!
Who is making that buzzing noise?
Neville
I know you are a busy bee, but boy busy-bees don't buzz 
Only bee busy-bees buzz
I can still hear you, Neville
Neville!
I should think so
He's such a musical child, and one doesn't want to discourage him
Sidney, take that paint-brush out of your ear and give it back to Lavinia
Yes, you do want it back, Lavinia
You like painting
Yes, you do
We're hoping she is going to take to it soon
Now then, Hazel, have you tried wiggling it? 
You know, Mrs Hingle, this child's finger really is caught in the keyhole... 
I think the Fire Brigade are the best in an emergency
Yes, there is a telephone - at the end of the passage
Would you? Oh, that is good of you 
I'll stay here and hold the fort and prepare the children 
Thank you so much
Children, I don't want anyone to get excited, but kind Mrs Hingle has gone to see
if we can get one of those clever men from the Fire Brigade
to come and help us get Hazel's finger out...
Oh, you've got it out, Hazel
Well done
That's lovely
IT'S ALL RIGHT, MRS HINGLE - SHE'S GOT IT OUT
Sidney
You are not to go near the keyhole
SIDNEY
Can you get it out?
I SPOKE TOO SOON, MRS HINGLE...
Oh, Sidney... 

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2. Going Home Time


Children - it's time to go home, so finish tidying up and put on your hats and coats
Some of our mummies are here for us, so hurry up
Billy won't be long, Mrs Binton 
He's on hamster duty
Now let's see if we can't all help each other
Janey - I said help each other 
Help Bobbie carry that chair, don't pin him against the wall with it
We're having a go at our good neighbour policy here, Mrs Binton, but it doesn't always...
Neville, off the floor, please 
Don't lie there
And Sidney, stop painting, please
Because it's time to go home
Well, you shouldn't have started another picture, should you 
What is it this time?
Another blue man! 
Oh, I see, so it is
All right, you can make it just a little bit bluer 
but only one more brushful, please, Sidney
We don't think he's very talented 
but we feel it's important to encourage their self-expression
You never know where it might lead...
Rachel 
Gently - help Teddy gently into his coat
It's a lovely coat, Teddy, what's wrong with it?
Oh 
It looks like a boy's coat when you wear it 
And lots of boys wear pink
Poor wee mite, he has three older sisters!
Neville, I said get up off the floor
Who shot you dead?
David did? 
Well, I don't suppose he meant to
He may have meant to then, but he doesn't mean it now, and anyhow I say you can get up
No, don't go and shoot David dead, because it's time to go home
George
What did I tell you not to do? 
Well, don't do it
And Sidney, don't wave that paint-brush about like that, you'll splash somebody
LOOK OUT, DOLORES!
Sidney! ... 
It's all right, Dolores, you aren't hurt, you're just surprised 
It was only a nice soft brush 
But you'd better go and wash your face before you go home
Because it's all blue
Sidney, I saw you deliberately put that paintbrush up Dolores's little nostril
No, it wasn't a jolly good shot 
It ..... I don't want to discuss it, Sidney
Now go and tell Dolores you're sorry
Yes, now
Thank you, Hazel, for putting the chairs straight for me
You are a great helper
Thank you
And thank you, Dicky, for closing the cupboard door for me
Dicky... is there somebody in the cupboard?
Well, let her out at once
Are you all right, Peggy? 
What did you go into the cupboard for?
But we don't have mices - I mean mouses - in our toy cupboard 
Mouses only go where there is food, and we don't have any food in our toy cupboard
When did you hide a bicky in there?
Every day!
Well, perhaps we have got mices in our toy cupboard
I'll have to look
No, you go and get your coat on
Dicky - We never shut people in cupboards
Because they don't like it
What do you mean, she's puggy? 
Peggy's puggy?
Oh, she's got puggy hands 
But you don't have to hold her hand...
Well, you must ask her nicely to let go
Well, if she won't let go...
You'll have to work it out for yourself, Dicky
Edgar and Timmy... your knitted caps are not for playing tug-of-war with 
Look, now the pom-pom's come off
Whose is it?
Well, give it back to Sidney
Where are your caps?
Well, go and ask Sidney to give them back to you
Turn round, Geoffrey 
You've got your wellingtons on the wrong feet
Yes, you have. You'll have to take them off and start again
Why can't you reach?
Well, undo your coat and then you can bend
Take off your woolly gloves
And your scarf
You can keep your balaclava on 
How many jerseys are you wearing?
Heavens 
No wonder you can't bend.
Caroline, come and help Geoffrey
Don't kick her, Geoffrey 
She's come to help
Sidney, I told you to put that paint-brush down ...
LOOK OUT, DOLORES!
Well, that wasn't a very good shot, was it? 
You didn't mean to put it in her ear, did you?
Well, you shouldn't have
You're all right Dolores
It was just a bit of a surprise, but you'll have to go and wash again
Because you've got a blue ear
Sidney, I'm ashamed of you, a big boy of four, and she's only just three
And Sidney, what have you done with Timmy and Edgar's caps?
No, I'm not going to guess
And I don't want to know they are hidden in a special secret place 
I want to know exactly where they are
No, I'm not going to try and find them 
You're going to tell me where they are
Well, go and get them out of the waste-paper basket at once 
Waste-paper baskets aren't for putting caps in
Now go and say you are sorry to Dolores
Yes, again
We think his aggression is diminishing, but we do have setbacks
Lavinia, is that your coat you've got on? 
It looks so enormous
Oh, you're going to grow into it 
I see
Hazel, thank you for helping Betty into her jacket
Just zip her up once 
Not up and down
No, Neville, you can't have a turn
No, children, you can't all zip Betty
Jenny, come here
Jenny, when we have paid a visit to the littlest room, what do we do?
We pull our knickers up again
Good-bye, Hazel 
Good-bye, Bobbie
Good-bye, everybody
Good-bye, Mrs Binton
Hurry up, Sidney, because you'll keep your Mummy waiting
Well, your Granny then
Somebody is coming to take you away, aren't they, Sidney?
Good
No, you won't see me tomorrow, Sidney
Tomorrow is Saturday... thank heaven

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3. The Nativity Play


Hello, Mrs Binton 
I'm so glad you could get along to see a rehearsal of our Nativity Play! 
Can you squeeze in there? 
I'm afraid our chairs are a wee bitty wee, as they say north of the border!
Now then, children 
We are going to start our rehearsal 
Where are my Mary and Joseph?
That's right, Shirleen, take Denis by the hand 
and come and sit nice and quietly on this bench in the middle
Don't drag him 
He'll come if you leave him alone!
Don't hit each other, Mary and Joseph were friends
Now, who are my Wise Men?
You're a Wise Man, aren't you, Geoffrey?
Oh, aren't you? 
What are you then?
Oh, you're a cattle, are you? 
And you are going to low 
Splendid! 
Go over to Miss Boulting, will you, please?
Miss Boulting... 
You are organising the animals and the angets? 
He is one of yours
Now, my Wise Men here, please!
Billy, Peter and George
And George 
Wise Men never do that...
Now my Kings, please
Of course, Mrs Binton, we know that by tradition 
the Wise Men and the Kings are one and the same 
but we did want everyone in our Nursery School Nativity Play to have a chance 
so we have taken a few liberties, and I don't think any one will mind
Now Kings: Sidney, Neville, Cliff and Nikolas Anoniodes
Four Kings, I'm afraid
We happen to have four lovely crowns, so it seemed a pity not to use them
Sidney, put your crown on straight please, not over one eye 
What have you got under your jersey?
That's not the place for a hamster, is it 
Put him straight back in his little pen, please
Sidney, which one have you got, Paddington or Harold Wilson?
Well, who's got Paddington?
Neville, put him back at once
Poor Paddington and Harold Wilson, it isn't very Christmassy for them under your jersey
Sidney, I think it serves you right if Harold Wilson bit you, and don't bite him back
Because he's smaller than you are 
Are you bleeding?
Then don't make such a fuss
Cliff, put your crown on, please
It's too big? 
Let's see
Ah, yes it is
Where are you! 
Oh, there you are! 
Nice to see you again! 
Change with Nikolas
Nikolas, you can manage a big crown, can't you? 
You've got just the ears for it
I think if you pull your ears down a bit that will hold it up 
And lean back a bit 
That's it
Stay like that, dear 
Don't move
Wise Men and Kings, don't muddle yourselves with each other
Now then, Shepherds
Jimmy, you are my First Shepherd and not a racing car
Yes, Caroline, you're a shepherd
No, dear you can't wear your Little Bo-Peep costume
because there aren't any little girl shepherdesses in our play 
They're all boy shepherds, and you are a girl being a boy shepherd
Yes, it is rotten 
But we just have to settle for it 
I think if you are very good perhaps you can wear a lovely grey beard; wouldn't that be fun?
George, what do Wise Men never do?
Yes...
Jimmy, do you remember what you see up in the sky? 
Something lovely, isn't it?
No, not a baby 
Try again
It's a lovely silver star, and you are going to put your hand up and point to it 
And what are you going to say when you do that?
No, Sidney, he isn't going to say, 'Please may I go to the bathroom?'
Children, that isn't funny; it's a perfectly natural function 
and we might as well get used to it
Come on, Jimmy 
You are going to say, 'Behold!' aren't you?
Yes, you are, dear 
You said it yesterday
You'd rather say it tomorrow?
Perhaps you are right
We have broken the back of the play, so you may as well get ready to go home
Hand in your crowns gently, please 
No Sidney, you can't wear your crown home on the bus
I think - I HOPE it will be all right on the night 
But you know, Mrs Binton, I think perhaps next year we might make do with a Christmas carol

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