Bruce's Philosophers Song
Composer(s): Eric Idle
Performer(s): Monty Python



Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger, was a boozy begger
Who could drink you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a boozy swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach yer 'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill of his own free will
On half a bottle o' shandy was particularly ill
Plato they say,could stick it away
Half a crate o' whisky every day
Aristotle,Aristotle,was a bugger for the bottle
Awfully fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink therefore I am"
Yes,Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed

Cinderella
Composer(s): Larry Burnett
Performer(s): Firefall; Brother Phelps



Last December I met a girl
She took a likin' to me
Said she loved me
But she didn't know the meaning of the word

She imagined love to be grand
Me holdin' her hand and
Whisperin' sweet things and
Cooin' softly like a song bird

Then one mornin' she came to me
With a tear in her eye and a
Sigh on her breath Lord she said
"Hon I'm heavy with child"

I said "god damn girl can't you see
That I'm breakin'my back
Just tryin' to keep my head above water
And it's turnin' me wild"

Cinderella can't you see
Don't want your company
You better leave this mornin' leave today
Take your love and your child away

Rockin' chair on the front porch
I'm thinkin' about all the things that I did
As a young man
Now that I'm old

I remember her and the boy
Did he have all the toys and the joys
That a young man should have
Before he gets too old

Cinderella couldn't you see
Didn't want your company
Shoulda left that mornin' left that day
Took your love and your child away

(Remember Me) I'm The One
Composer(s): Gordon Lightfoot
Performer(s): Gordon Lightfoot



Remember me I'm the one who hurt you, dear
Hurt you, hurt you, dear

Remember me I'm the one who loved you, dear
Loved you, loved you, dear

I'm the one who ran away and left you all alone
I'm the one who broke your heart and scorned the love I've known

Remember me I'm the one who's sorry now
Sorry, sorry, now

I'm the one who ran away and left you all alone
I'm the one who broke your heart and scorned the love I've known

Remember me I'm the one who's sorry now
Sorry, sorry, dear

Persian Kitten
Performer(s): Phil Harris



A Persian kitten perfumed and fair
Strolled out to the kitchen door for air
A Tom cat big, light, lean and strong
And dirty and yella came along
He sniffed at the perfumed Persian cat
As she strutted around with much eclat
Then thinking a little time to pass
He whispered baby you sure got class
It's fitting and proper was her reply
As she arched the whiskers over her eye
I'm ribboned and I sleep on a pillow of silk
And daily I'm bathed in certified milk
Folks oughta be happy with what they've got
I oughta be happy, but happy I'm not
I oughta be happy yes I should indeed
Because I'm certainly highly pedigreed
Cheer up said the tom cat with a smile
And trust your new found friend for awhile
You oughta escape from your back yard fence
Ah my dear what you need is experience
Untold tales he then unfurled
He told her all the tales about the outside world
Suggesting at last with a luring laugh
A trip for two down Primrose Path
The morning after the night before
Our Persian came home about half passed four
The innocent look in her eye had went
But the smile on her face was the smile of content
In the after years when the children came
To this pedigreed Persian of pedigreed fame
The children weren't Persian; they were black and tan
And she told them that their Dad was a traveling man
A rootin' tootin' scratchin' traveling man 

When You're Driving Through The Moonlight/A Lovely Night
Composer(s): Richard Rodgers; Oscar Hammerstein II)



Cinderella: 
I imagine.. I imagine.. 
When you're driving through the moonlight on a highway 
when through the moonlight to a dance you are breathless 
with a wild anticipation of adventure and excitement and romance 
Then at last you see the towers of the palace silouetted on the sky above the park 
and below them is a row of lighted windows like a lovely diamond necklace in the dark

Esmerelda: It looks that way

Prunella: The way you say

Evil Stepmother: She talks as if she knows

Cinderella: 
I do not know these things are so I only just suppose 
I suppose that when you come into the ballroom and the room itself is floating on the air 
If you're suddenly confronted by his highness you are frozen like a statue on the stair 
You're afraid he'll hear the way your heart is beating and you know you musn't make the first advance 
You are seriously thinking of retreating then you seem to hear him asking you to dance 
You make a bow, a timid bow, and shyly answer yes

Evil Stepmother: How would you know that this is so?

Cinderella: I do no more than guess, I do no more than guess

Cinderella: He is tall

Esmerelda: And straight as a lance

Cinderella: His eyes

Prunella: Can melt you with a glance

Cinderella: Yes I can picture the whole thing how you start thinking

Esmerelda: Start thinking what?

Cinderella: Thinking how wonderful it all is

Evil Stepmother: How wonderful what all is?

Cinderella: Everything

Evil Stepmother: 
Enough of this nonsense 
Esmerelda, Prunella, upstairs both of you and get your sleep

Esmerelda & Prunella: Yes ma'am

Evil Stepmother: 
Cinderella, here is your broom 
Get To Work!!!

Cinderella: 
I don't mind sweeping 
This night is mine and no one and nothing can take it from me

....A lovely night, a lovely night, a finer night you'll know you'll never see
You meet your prince, a charming prince as charming as a prince will ever be
The stars in the hazy heaven tremble above you while he is whispering darling I love you
You say goodbye, away you fly but on your lips you'll keep a kiss all your life you'll dream of this lovely, lovely night
A lovely night, a lovely night, a finer night you'll know you'll never see
You meet your prince, a charming prince as charming as a prince will ever be
The stars in the hazy heaven tremble above you while he is whispering darling I love you
You say goodbye, away you fly but on your lips you'll keep a kiss all your life you'll dream of this lovely, lovely night
You say goodbye, away you fly but on your lips you'll keep a kiss all your life you'll dream of this lovely, lovely, lovely night

Remember Me
Composer(s): Harry Warren; Al Dubin
Performer(s): Bing Crosby;
and various other artists



Do you remember one September afternoon
I stood with you and listened to a wedding tune
And didn't I go with you on your honeymoon?
Remember me?

Do you recall a cottage small upon a hill
Where ev'ry day I had to pay another bill?
And if I'm not mistaken, dear, I pay them still
Remember me?

I can see that little angel on your knee
Can't you see, He kinda sorta looks like me
For I'm the boy whose only joy is loving you
Who worries till he hurries home when day is thru
And I'm the guy you give your goodnight kisses to
Remember me?

The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
Composer(s): Robbie Robertson
First release by: The Band - 1969
Covered by multiple other artists



Virgil Caine is the name and I served on the Danville train
'Til Stoneman's cavalry came and tore up the tracks again
In the winter of '65, we were hungry, just barely alive
By May the tenth, Richmond had fell
It's a time I remember, oh so well

The night they drove old Dixie down
And the bells were ringing
The night they drove old Dixie down
And the people were singing
They went, "La, la, la"

Back with my wife in Tennessee, when one day she called to me
"Virgil, quick, come see, there go the Robert E.Lee"
Now I don't mind choppin' wood, and I don't care if the money's no good
Ya take what ya need and ya leave the rest
But they should never have taken the very best

The night they drove old Dixie down
And the bells were ringing
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the people were singing
They went, "La, la, la"

Like my father before me, I will work the land
And like my brother above me, who took a rebel stand
He was just eighteen, proud and brave, but a Yankee laid him in his grave
I swear by the mud below my feet
You can't raise a Caine back up when he's in defeat

The night they drove old Dixie down
And the bells were ringing
The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the people were singing
They went, "Na, na, na"

The night they drove old Dixie down
And all the bells were ringing
The night they drove old Dixie down
And the people were singing
They went, "Na, na, na"

The Adultress
Composer(s): Chrissie Hynde
Performer(s): The Pretenders



I'm the adultress
But I didn't want to be and I'm convenient
And I make good tea
I stand accused
Of the worst crime in history
That's my mystery
I'm the adultress

I go to the park
With a bag of crumbs for the birds
That's where we meet without words
He takes my hand
And stares into the wood
There's nothing to understand
It's understood
I'm the adultress

Look at the fool
Made up to go out
She's desperate and lonely
But she's puttin' it about
Look at the spinster
Comin' down off the shelf
She's in love and she hates herself

Don't try to stop me
Don't get in my way
It's too late
I've made my play
Does misery love company
I'll be in the bar
You'll find me

Remember Me
Composer(s): Nickolas Ashford; Valerie Simpson
Performer(s): Diana Ross



Bye baby, see you around
Didn't I tell you I wouldn't hold you down
Take good care of yourself, y'hear
Don't let me hear about you shedding a tear
You're gonna make it
You're gonna take it

Remember me as a sunny day
That you once had, along the way
Didn't I inspire you a little higher
Remember me as a funny clown
That made you laugh when you were down
Didn't I boy, didn't I boy

Remember me as a big balloon
At a carnaval that ended too soon
Remember me as a breath of spring
Remember me as a good thing

Bye baby, see you around
I already know about the new love you've found
What can I do but wish you well
What we had was really swell
I won't forget it, I have no regrets

Remember me as a sound of laughter
And my face the morning after
Didn't the sky beckon us to fly?
Yes, you'l remember the times we fought
But don't forget me in your tender thoughts
Please darlin' oh yeah

Remember me when you drink the wine
Of sweet succes and I gave you my best
Remember me every song you sing
Remember me as a good thing

Remember me as a sunny day
Please darling, remember me as a good thing
Remember me when you drink the wine
Remember me as a good thing
Remember me as a big balloon
Don't forget me darling

The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia
Composer(s): Bobby Russell
First release by: Vicki Lawrence - 1972



He was on his way home from Candletop
Been two weeks gone and he thought he'd stop
At William's and have him a drink 'fore he went home to her
Andy Wolloe said "Hello"
And he said "Hi, what's doin', Wo?"
"Seth, sit down, I got some bad news, it's gonna hurt"
He said "I'm your best friend and you know that's right"
"But your young bride ain't home tonight"
"Since you been gone she's been seein' that Amos boy, Seth"
Well, he got mad 'n' he saw red and Andy said "Boy, don'tcha lose your head"
"'Cause to tell ya the truth, I been with her myself"

That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia
That's the night that they hung an innocent man
Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer
'cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands

Well, Andy got scared and left the bar
Walkin' on home 'cause he didn't live far
See, Andy didn't have many friends and he'd just lost him one
Brother thought his wife musta left town
So he went home and finally found
The only thing Papa had left him, that was a gun

And he went off to Andy's house
A'skippin' through the backwoods quiet as a mouse
Came upon some tracks too small for Andy to make
He looked through the screen at the back-porch door
And he saw Andy lyin' on the floor
In a puddle of blood and he started to shake

Well, the Georgia Patrol was a'makin' their rounds
So he fired a shot just to flag 'em down
And a big-bellied sheriff got his gun and said "why'dya do it?"
And the judge said "Guilty" in a make-believe trial
And slapped the sheriff on the back with a smile
Said' supper's waitin' at home and I gotta get to it"

That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia
That's the night that they hung an innocent man
Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer
'cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands

Well, they hung my brother before I could say
The tracks he saw while on his way
To Andy's house and back that night were mine
And his cheatin' wife had never left town
And that's one body that'll never be found
See, little sister don't miss when she aims her gun

That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia, oh-oh-aah
That's the night that they hung an innocent man, ah-huh-unh
Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer

'Cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands

The Night The Floor Fell In
Composer(s): Ken Wheeley
Performer(s): Billy Cotton & His Band



Charlie and his missus were a happy-go-lucky pair
They threw a party every Saturday night
With all of their relations, like the league of nations there
It nearly always ended in a fight
But there was one occasion on which they did agree
And then they brought the house down with their joviality

They danced the boomps-a-daisy
And then the palais glide
They did the hokey-cokey
And laughed until they cried
And when they had a knees-up
And everyone joined in
The only night they never fell out
The blinkin’ floor fell in

Oh my, it wasn’t half a do
With everybody happy
Though they were black and blue
Oh my, it really was a sin
The only night they never fell out
The night the floor fell in

Now Mrs. Brown was bending
To button up her shoe
Just then the carpet parted
And she went sailing through
They heard her saying after
She put her teeth back in
“The only time they ever fell out
The blinkin’ floor fell in”

Oh my, it wasn’t half a do
With everybody happy
Though they were black and blue
Oh my, it really was a sin
The only night they never fell out
The night the floor fell in

An old cowpoke was sleeping
Down in the room below
A-dreamin’ of the dogies
And cows he used to know
And then the ceiling opened
He got an awful fright
He said, “Them riders in the sky
Is ridin’ low tonight”

Oh my, it wasn’t half a do
With everybody happy
Though they were black and blue
Oh my, it really was a sin
The only night they never fell out
The night the floor fell in

Now Charlie learnt his lesson
Like all good men and true
When he was at a party
He knew just what to do
If anyone was fighting
He covered up his chin
And for a dance he padded his pants
In case the floor fell in

Oh my, it wasn’t half a do
With everybody happy
Though they were black and blue
Oh my, it really was a sin
The only night they never fell out
I wondered what all the noise was about
The only night they never fell out
The night the floor fell in

Cinco Siglos Igual
Composer(s): León Gieco - Luis Gurevich
Performer(s): León Gieco
and multiple other artists



Soledad sobre ruinas, sangre en el trigo 
rojo y amarillo, manantial del veneno 
escudo heridas, cinco siglos igual
                                    
Libertad sin galope, banderas rotas                                              
soberbia y mentiras, medallas de oro y plata                                       
contra esperanza, cinco siglos igual

En esta parte de la tierra la historia se cayó                                                     
como se caen las piedras aún las que tocan el cielo 
o están cerca del sol o están cerca del sol
                                      
Desamor desencuentro, perdón y olvido                                          
cuerpo con mineral, pueblos trabajadores                                       
infancias pobres, cinco siglos igual

Lealtad sobre tumbas, piedra sagrada                                               
Dios no alcanzó a llorar, sueño largo del mal                                     
hijos de nadie, cinco siglos igual
                                           
Muerte contra la vida, gloria de un pueblo                                    
desaparecido es comienzo, es final                                      
leyenda perdida, cinco siglos igual
                                               
En esta parte de la tierra la historia se cayó                                                     
como se caen las piedras aún las que tocan el cielo                                              
o están cerca del sol o están cerca del sol
                                      
Es tinieblas con flores, revoluciones                                             
y aunque muchos no están, nunca nadie pensó                                     
besarte los pies, cinco siglos igual

Remember Me
Composer(s): Robert Miller; Seymour
Performer(s): Al Bowlly



Remember me, remember me
Just keep me in your memory
I'll ne'er forget the day we we met
For the sake of auld lang syne

Though we must part, there'll be no change of heart
Through all the years to be
Auf wiederseh'n, we'll meet again
So please remember me

The Night Owls
Composer(s): Graham Goble
Performer(s): Little River Band; Birtles Shorrock Goble



There's a bar right across the street

He's got a need he just can't beat

Out on the floor he shuffles his feet away
yeah
yeah

He'll get the girl 'cause he looks so fine

He's gonna win her every time
he knows he will

He's dressed to kill
he's a night owl

Move on
there's a heart of a night owl calling

To belong
she's cryin' in the night
Be strong
find the heart of the night owl calling

Stay up till dawn
until the night has gone

What will become of the restless kind

Where do they go when they've done their time

Wearin' their hearts out on the line for all to see

Must be the gipsy in their soul
They have a need to rock 'n' roll

They always will
they're out there still

They're the night owls

Move on
there's a heart of a night owl calling

There's a bar right across the street

He's got a need he just can't beat

Out on the floor he shuffles his feet away
yeah
yeah

He'll get the girl 'cause he looks so fine

He's gonna win her every time
he knows he will

He's out there still
he's a night owl

Move on
there's a heart of a night owl calling

To belong she's cryin' in the night
(The night goes on and on)
Be strong
find the heart of the night owl calling

Stay up till dawn
until the night has gone

Cinco Robles (Five Oaks)
Composer(s): Dorothy Wright - Larry Sullivan
Performer(s): Les Paul & Mary Ford
and multiple other artists



(Cinco robles, cinco cerros, my sweetheart)
Five oaks and five hills away
(Cinco robles, cinco cerros, my lover)
Five hills to travel today

(One hill I'll think of your laughter)
One hill your courage in pain
(One for your beauty and one for your smile)
And the last hill to hold you again

(Cinco robles, cinco cerros, my darling)
Five oaks and five hills apart
(Cinco robles, cinco cerros, I'll count them)
As each brings me nearer your heart

(Cinco robles)
(Cinco cerros) 

Remember Love
Composer(s): Yoko Ono
Performer(s): Plastic Ono Band



Remember love, remember love
Love is what it takes to sing 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to meet 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to live 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to dream 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to see 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to meet 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to live 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to tie 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to live 
Remember love, remember love 
Love is what it takes to tie 
Remember love, remember love 
Love 
Remember love 
Love 
Love

The Night Is Young And You're So Beautiful
Composer(s): Billy Rose - Irving Kahal - Dana Suesse
Performer(s): Frank Sinatra
and multiple other artists



The night is young and you're so beautiful
Here among the shadows, beautiful lady, open you heart
The scene is set, the breezes sing of it
Can't you get into the swing of it, lady, when do we start?
When the lady is kissable and the evening is cool
Any dream is permissible in the heart of a fool
The moon is high and you're so glamorous
And if I seem over amorous, lady, what can I do?
The night is young and I'm in love with you

Cinco Minutos
Performer(s): Luis Eduardo Aute



Era la noche como un suave infierno
de diablos borrachos cantando
a la luna de Tepoztlán
Bajo el sombrero de un árbol de estrellas
brotaban corridos de amores
quemados bajo el volcán
Cuando llegaste, de pronto una luz
de luna escarlata cayó en catarata
desde una pirámide
Sobre tu pecho colgaba una cruz
y como un consuelo
arropaba tu duelo
el calor de una clámide
Y nos dijiste: "permítanme
voy a quedarme cinco minutos
cinco minutos, los que me quedan
y olvido el luto
cinco minutos
cinco y no más
y esos minutos tomaron tequila
cantando, riendo, llorando
a la luna de Tepoztlan
Y los relojes huyeron del tiempo
cuando alguien te dijo: "Señora
las diosas nunca se van'
Y despertaron al amanecer
perdidos arrojos
en tus negros ojos
heridos por el dolor
Cuando dijiste: "amar no es perder'
Sam Peckinpah, arriba
brindó con un "viva
Señora, ¡por el amor!"
Y nos dijiste: 'permítanme...
Knock, knock, knock, knockin'
on Heaven's door... 

Remember Diana
Composer(s): Paul Anka
Performer(s): Paul Anka



Everybody, remember Diana 
And just how much I loved her 
I wrote a song about her 
How wrong could I be? 

Oh, well, she went and found another 
Found another lover 
She didn't even bother 
To say "Goodbye" to me 

Things have changed, she's found another 
Yes, things have changed, she's found another lover 
Things have changed, she didn't say "Goodbye", instead she made me cry 

Diana, I'll learn to live without her 
Yes, I'll forget about her 
Just wait and see 

Things will change, I'll find another lover 
Things will change, I'll learn to live without her 
Things will change, I'm gonna make her cry, I'm gonna say "Goodbye" to 

Diana, I'll learn to live without her 
Yes, I'll forget about her 
Just wait and see
Just wait and see
Just wait and see

Yeah, wait and see

The Night Is Still Young
Composer(s): Billy Joel
Performer(s): Billy Joel



I'm young enough to see the passionate boy that I used to be
But I'm old enough to say I got a good look at the other side
I know we got to work real hard, maybe even for the rest of our lives
But right now I just want to take what I can
Get tonight
While the night is still young
I want to keep making love to you
While the night is still young
I'd like to settle down 
Get married
And maybe have a child someday
I can see a time coming when I'm gonna throw my suitcase out
No more separations
Where you have to say goodnight to a telephone
Baby I've decided that ain't what this life is all about
Oh
While the night is still young
While the night is still young
I want to try to make the world brand new
While the night is still young
Rock and Roll music was the only thing I 
Ever gave a damn about
There was something that was missing
But I never used to wonder why
Now I know you're the one I need
To make things right again
And I may lose the battle
But you're giving me the will to try
Oh
While the night is still young
Because the night is still young
I've got a lot of catching up I've got to do
While the night is still young
While the night is still young
I want to try to make the world brand new
While the night is still young