Show Biz Kids
Composer(s): Walter Carl Becker; Donald Jay Fagen
First release by: Steely Dan - 1973



While the poor people sleepin'
With the shade on the light
While the poor people sleepin'
All the stars come out at night 

After closing time
At the Guernsey Fair
I detect the El Supremo
From the room at the top of the stairs
Well I've been around the world
And I've been in the Washington Zoo
And in all my travels
As the facts unravel
I've found this to be true 

While the poor people sleepin'
With the shade on the light
While the poor people sleepin'
All the stars come out at night 

They got the house on the corner
With the rug inside
They got the booze they need
All that money can buy
They got the shapely bods
They got the Steely Dan T-shirt
And for the coup-de-gras
They're outrageous 

While the poor people sleepin'
With the shade on the light
While the poor people sleepin'
All the stars come out at night 

Show biz kids making movies
Of themselves you know they
Don't give a fuck about anybody else 

While the poor people sleepin'
With the shade on the light
While the poor people sleepin'
All the stars come out at night

There'll Always Be A Christmas
Composer(s): Paul Francis; Johnny Robba
Performer(s): The Ames Brothers



There'll always be a Christmas
A Christmas there'll always be
There'll always be a Christmas
A Christmas for you and for me

Snowy snowflakes silently
Fall from Heaven above
While the folks sing their carols
With those who they love
When the sleighbells ging-a-ling
Blends with churchbells that ring
Then the whole world 
Will join in and sing

There'll always be a Christmas
A Christmas there'll always be
There'll always be a Christmas
A Christmas for you and for me

Greet your neighbours
And your friends
Greet them at Christmas time
Let there be peace on earth
And good will t'ward mankind
Sing your Noels loud and clear
So the whole town can hear
It's the happiest time of the year

There'll always be a Christmas
A Christmas there'll always be
There'll always be a Christmas
A Christmas for you ... and ... for ... me

Show And Tell
Performer(s): Jerry Fuller
First release by: Johnny Mathis - 1973
Covered by multiple other artists



These are the eyes
That never knew how to smile till you came into my life (do-do-do-do-do)
And these are the arms
That long to lock you inside every day and every night (do-do-do-do-do)
Girl, and here is the soul of which you've taken control
Can'tcha see I'm tryin' to show love is right?

Whoa, oh, oh, oh show and tell
Just a game I play
When I wanna say "I love you"
Girl, so show me and tell me
That you feel the same way too
Say you do, baby

These are the hands
That can't help reaching for you if you're anywhere in sight
(Anywhere in sight)
And these are the lips
That can't help callin' your name in the middle of the night
(Middle of the night)

Whoa, and here is the man
Who needs to know where you stand
Don't you know I've done all I can, so decide

Whoa, oh, oh, oh show and tell
Just a game I play
When I wanna say "I love you" (I love you)
Girl, so show me and tell me
That you feel the same way too
Say you do, say you do, baby, baby, baby

Ahh, here is the soul
Of which you've taken control
Can't you see I'm tryin' to show love is right?

Ooh, girl, show and tell
Just a game I play
When I wanna say "Oh, I love you"
Girl, so show me and tell me
That you feel the same way too
Say you do, say you do, baby

Whoa, oh, oh, oh show and tell
Just a game I play
When I wanna say "Oh, I love you"

Girl, so show me and tell me
That you feel the same way too
Say you do, baby, baby

There Is No Christmas Like A Home Christmas
Composer(s): Mickey Addy - Carl Sigman
Performer(s): Perry Como
and multiple other artists



There is no Christmas
like a home Christmas
with your Dad and Mother
Sis an' Brother there!

With their hearts humming
at your home comin'
and that Merry Yuletide spirit
in the air!

Christmas bells, Christmas bells
ringing loud an' strong
follow them, follow them
you've been away too long!

There is no Christmas
like a home Christmas
for that's the time of year
all roads lead home!

Christmas bells, Christmas bells
ringing loud an' strong
follow them, follow them
you've been away too long!

There is no Christmas
like a home Christmas
for that's the time of year...
the time when all roads lead home!

Up On Santa Claus Mountain
Composer(s): Lorrie Morgan
Performer(s): Lorrie Morgan



Up on Santa Clause mountain it's Christmas all the time
Toys and dolls and Christmas trees and everything in rhyme
Boys and girls with golden curls as happy as can be
Up on Santa Clause mountain, won't you come with me

We will go together up the winding trail
There we'll see Ol' Santa Clause reading all his mail
We will ride his reindeer and drive them through the snow
Up on Santa Clause mountain, how'd you like to go

(Up on Santa Clause mountain it's Christmas all the time)
(Toys and dolls and Christmas trees and everything in rhyme)
(Boys and girls with golden curls as happy as can be)
(Up on Santa Clause mountain, won't you come with me)

We will go together up the winding trail
There we'll see old Santa Clause reading all his mail
(We will ride his reindeer and drive them through the snow)
(Up on Santa Clause mountain) How'd you like to go

Lorrie: Kids, come on, it's Santa's mountain
Girl: Let's go
Girl: Me first!
Kids: Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah
Boy: Look, it's the Elfs' workshop!
Girl: Isn't it wonderful
Kids: Yeah, yeah
Lorrie: Look, they're makin' toy soldiers, Kids 
Red, white and blue
And reindeer that fly really are true
Girl: I smell something sweet 
And it's cookies, I'll bet
Girl: And they're all for old Santa
Kids: Has anyone seen him yet?
Boy: Get off the track! 
They've just made a train and it's blowing its whistle again and again
Lorrie: Look over there, somethin's stirrin' around
Boy: Yeah, and it's red, white and furry
Girl: Well it's big and round
Lorrie: It's Santa, Kids 
And he's checkin' his list 
But we gotta go, so blow him a kiss
Boy: Santa, I'll see ya in a couple of nights 
And when you ride through the sky....
Kids: Please hold on tight!

Up on Santa Clause mountain (Up on Santa Claus mountain)
It's Christmas all the time (Christmas all the time)
Toys and dolls and Christmas trees and everything in rhyme
(Up on Santa Claus mountain)
Boys and girls with golden curls as happy as can be
Up on Santa Clause mountain, won't you come with me

We will go together up a winding trail
There we'll see Ol' Santa Clause reading all his mail
We will ride his reindeer and drive them through the snow
Up on Santa Clause mountain, how'd you like to go

Up on Santa Clause mountain, how'd you like to go

 
								

There Are No Lights On Our Christmas Tree
Performer(s): The Seekers



The time has come for festivity
For Christmas pudding and revelry
But as I passed a house the other night
I heard this little voice, so clear and bright

There are no lights on our Christmas tree
We must not spoil the tele-vee
No party games, no mistletoe
Just whistle "Wenceslas," and out you go

'Bout once a year I become a square
I love to feel the tinsel in my hair
I love to hear the songs of days gone by
But Dad and me, we don't see eye to eye

The Christmas crackers from Uncle Alf
They lie unopened upon the shelf
Dad has forbid them, but we're hoping he
Will think the bangs come from "N.Y.P.D."

There are no lights on our Christmas tree
We must not spoil the tele-vee
No party games, no mistletoe
Just whistle "Wenceslas," and out you go

Some carol singers came to our door
I've never seen Dad so mad before
He grabbed the leader by the coat
And tried to ram his lantern down his throat

When I grow up to be a man
There'll be no television in my plan
With laughter gay, my house will ring
I never want to hear my family sing…

There are no lights on our Christmas tree
We must not spoil the tele-vee
No party games, no mistletoe
Just whistle "Wenceslas," and out you go

There are no lights on our Christmas tree
We must not spoil the tele-vee
No party games, no mistletoe
Just whistle "Wenceslas," and out you go

No party games, no mistletoe
Just whistle "Wenceslas," and out you go

Shouting And Pointing
Composer(s): Morgan Fisher; Pete Watts
Performer(s): Mott The Hoople



There's trouble coming
I feel it deep in my bones
I can't avoid it, no way
Gotta face it, not gonna be long
It's got me shouting, pointing
panting, begging tonight
I need some people
To see me through it
Loving me right

Gonna pull some tarts together
Better dress them up in leather
Gonna find some kindred spirits
Gonna throw the searchlight in it
Want some volunteers!

You do and you do and you do
Get in to trouble
And maybe you do and you do and you do
Get in to luck
'cos I've been shouting, pointing, panting
And when it's done
We're gonna walk out smiling, laughing
Because we won!

Gonna pull ...

Watch out, they'll get ya
They're hiding under your nose
They'll try to dare you, scare you, snare you
Stand on your toes
'cos they'll be shouting, pointing, panting
And when it's done
We're gonna settle down a-loving, and a-howling
Because we won

Gonna pull ...

Short Shorts
Composer(s): Tom Austin; Bill Crandall; Billy Dalton; Bob Gaudio
Performer(s): The Royal Teens
and multiple other artists



Ooh man, dig that crazy chick

Who wears short shorts
We wear short shorts
They're such short shorts
We like short shorts
Who wears short shorts
We wear short shorts

Who wears short shorts
We wear short shorts
They're such short shorts
We like short shorts
Who wears short shorts
We wear short shorts

Who wears short shorts
We wear short shorts
They're such short shorts
We like short shorts
Who wears short shorts
We wear short shorts

Shout, Sister, Shout
Composer(s): Bill Doggett; Lucky Milinder
Performer(s): Sister Rosetta Tharpe



(Shout, sister shout
Shout, sister shout
Shout, sister shout
Tell the whole world what it's all about)

Now listen everybody to the precious words
I'm gonna do some chirping
And I ain't no bird
There's a reason for living
A reason for dying
A darned good reason why a woman starts crying
A reason for a mole, a reason for a dimple
But there ain't no reason why a man's so simple

(Shout, sister shout) Yeah!
(Shout, sister shout) I'm tellin' you
(Shout, sister shout) Yeah!
(Tell the whole world what it's all about)

There's a way to be brilliant
A way to be a fool
A way to get to heaven
Observe the golden rule
A way to get a sweetheart,
A way to get a wife
But the day you quit me brother
That's the day you lose your life

(Shout, sister shout) Yeah!
(Shout, sister shout) oh boy!
(Shout, sister shout) Yeah!
(Tell the whole world what it's all about)

There's a reason for a mountain
A reason for a hill
A reason why a doctor
Gives a patient a pill
A reason to stand
A reason to sing
But there ain't no reason
Why a man can't swing

(Male Voice)
I can understand the birds
And I can understand the bees
Sister, I can even understand
Why a rat eats cheese

(Tharpe)
I can understand my dog

(Male)
And I can understand your cat

(Tharpe)
Well fill me full o' rhythm
Can you understand that

(Male)
I gotcha covered sister

(Shout, sister shout) hallelujah!
(Shout, sister shout) hallelujah!
(Shout, sister shout) hallelujah!
(Tell the whole world what it's all about)

(Tharpe)
I'm gonna shoooo-ut
I'm gonna shoooo-ut
I'm gonna shout it out
And tell the world what it's all about

The Wonderful World Of Christmas
Composer(s): Charles Tobias; Al Frisch
Performer(s): Elvis Presley;
Robert Goulet; Art Kistler



The wonderful world of Christmas
Is a wonderful world to behold
The wonderful world of Christmas
Was made for the young and the old

Smile and good cheer of each neighbor
And children with cheeks all aglow
So warm is this Christmassy feeling
With the tree tops all locked up with snow

Listen to those wondrous bells
And you'll hear them say
Open up your hearts to all on this holy day
The wonderful world of Christmas
Is a joy from the moment it starts
The wonderful world of Christmas
Shall remain everyday in our hearts

Shout
Composer(s): Ronald Isley; Rudolph Bernard Isley; O'Kelly Isley
First release by: The Isley Brothers - 1959
Covered by multiple other artists



You know you make me wanna (Shout!)
Kick my heels up and (Shout!)
Throw my hands up and (Shout!)
Throw my head back and (Shout!)
Come on now
Don't forget to say you will
Don't forget to say
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Say you will)
Say it right now, baby
(Say you will)
Well, come on, come on
(Say you will)
Say that you (Say you wil)
(Say!)
Say that you love me
(Say!)
Say that you need me
(Say!) Say that you want me
(Say!) Say you wanna please me
(Say!)
Come on now
(Say!)
Come on now
(Say!)
Come on now
(Say!)

I still remember
When I used to be nine years old
Hey yeah
And I was a fool for you
From the bottom of my soul
Yeah yeah
Now that I found you
I will never let you go
No no
And if you ever leave me
You know it's gonna hurt me so

I want you to know
I said, I want you to know right now
You been good to me sisters
Much better than I been to myself
So good, so good
And if you ever leave me
I don't want nobody else
Hey, hey
I said, I want you to know, yeah
I said, I want you to know right now

You know you make me wanna (Shout!)
Pick my heels up and (Shout!)
Throw my hands up and (Shout!)
Thorw my head back and (Shout!)
Come on now (Shout!)
Come on now
(Shout!) Play it, Sister Allen, hey

Hey, (hey,) hey (hey;) hey, yea, yea, yea
(Hey yea, yea yea) Hey, yea, yea yea
(Hey yea, yea Shout!)
A little bit softer now (Shout!) 
A little bit softer now (Shout!)
A little bit louder now (Shout!) 
A little bit louder now (Shout!)
A little bit louder now (Shout!)
Get on up (Shout!) 
Get on up (Shout!)
All right now, come on, basses
Bum, bum, bum, bum,...
Come on now 
Come on now 
Shoo-be do-wop do wop, wop, wop, wop 
Shoo-be do-wop do wop, wop, wop, wop
Shout, shout, shout, woh 
Shout, shout, shout, woh
Hey (Hey) hey

You know you make me wanna (Shout!)
Kick my heels up and (Shout!)
Throw my hands up and (Shout!)
Throw my head back and (Shout!)
Come on now
Don't forget to say you will
Don't forget to say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Say you will
Say you will

Now wait a minute
All right, who was that?
You know you make me wanna shout

Along Came Jones
((French Version: Zorro Est Arrivé (by Henri Salvador - 1964))
Composer(s): Jerry Leiber - Mike Stoller
First release by: The Coasters - 1959
Covered by multiple other artists



I plopped down in my easy chair and turned on Channel 2 
A bad gunslinger called Salty Sam was chasin' poor Sweet Sue 
He trapped her in the old sawmill and said with an evil laugh
"If you don't give me the deed to your ranch,
I'll saw you all in half!" 

And then he grabbed her 
And then -- he tied her up 
And then -- he turned on the bandsaw 
And then, and then... 

And then along came Jones 
Tall, thin Jones 
Slow-walkin' Jones 
Slow-talkin' Jones 
Along came long-legged, lanky Jones 

Commercial came on, so I got up to get myself a snack 
You should've seen what was goin' on by the time that I got back 
Down in the old, abandoned mine, Sweet Sue was a-havin' fits 
That villain said, "Give me the deed to your ranch 
or I'll blow you all to bits!" 

And then he grabbed her 
And then -- he tied her up 
And then -- he lit the fuse to the dynamite 
And then, and then... 

And then along came Jones 
Tall, thin Jones 
Slow-walkin' Jones 
Slow-talkin' Jones
Along came long-legged, lanky Jones 

I got so bugged I turned it off and turned on another show 
But there was the same old shoot-'em-up and the same old rodeo 
Salty Sam was tryin' to stuff Sweet Sue in a burlap sack 
He said, "If you don't give me the deed to your ranch, 
I'm gonna throw you on the railroad tracks!" 

And then he grabbed her 
And then -- he tied her up 
And then -- he threw her on the railroad tracks 
And then -- a train started comin' 
And then, and then... 

And then along came Jones 
Tall, thin Jones 
Slow-walkin' Jones 
Slow-talkin' Jones 
Along came long-legged, lanky Jones

You Shouldn't Say That
Composer(s): Lynsey de Paul; Mike Moran
Performer(s): Lynsey de Paul & Mike Moran



You’re always arguing
No I’m not
Yes you are
You’re always arguing
No I am not

There you go again
No I don’t
Yes you do
You’re always arguing
No I am not

You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that
Aah ooh
You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that

You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that
Aah ooh
You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that

You always talk too much
No I don’t
Yes you do
I always catch you on the telephone

Sometimes I wait for you
No you don’t
Yes I do
Well we get there…
when it’s time to go home

You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that
Aah ooh
You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that

You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that
Aah ooh
You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that

How can I make you see that you’re always saying the opposite
Well how can I agree if what you say just is never right

Do you love me then?
Yes I do, course I do
Do you love me?
You know that I do

Then why are you arguing?
No I’m not
Yes you are 
You’re always arguing
No I am not

You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that
Aah ooh
You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that

You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that
Aah ooh
You shouldn’t say that
You shouldn’t say that

The Virgin Mary Had A Baby Boy
Composer(s): John Barnard



The Virgin Mary had a baby boy
The Virgin Mary had a baby boy
The Virgin Mary had a baby boy
And they say that his name is Jesus
He came from the glory
He came from the glorious kingdom
He came from the glory
He came from the glorious kingdom
Oh yes, believer!
Oh yes, believer!
He came from the glory
He came from the glorious kingdom
The angels sang when the baby born
The angels sang when the baby born
The angels sang when the baby born
And proclaimed him the Savior Jesus
He came from the glory
He came from the glorious kingdom
He came from the glory
He came from the glorious kingdom
Oh yes, believer!
Oh yes, believer!
He came from the glory
He came from the glorious kingdom
The wise men saw where the baby born
The wise men saw where the baby born
The wise men saw where the baby born
And they say that his name was Jesus

Should We Tell Him?
Composer(s): Don Everly; Phil Everly
Performer(s): The Everly Brothers



I took my best girl dancing 
down to my best friend's mansion 
He met us at the door and said 
Glad you're here 

Before the dance was over 
I saw him call her over 
Then he whispered thought I didn't hear 

Should we tell him 
To let him go on trusting isn't fair 
Should we tell him 
Should we tell him that his girl doesn't care 

I left them there together 
thought that I might feel better 
down at the cafe where we used to go 

Some of my friends had gathered 
just for some fun and laughter 
Then I heard two of them a talking low 

Should we tell him 
To let him go on trusting isn't fair 
Should we tell him 
Should we tell him that his girl doesn't care

The Twelve Gifts Of Christmas
(Allan Sherman)
Performer(s): Allan Sherman; The Wacky Redneck Hillbillies



On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A Japanese transistor radio

(On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
Green polka-dot pajamas
(And a Japanese transistor radio)
It's a Nakashuma

(On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man
(Green polka-dot pajamas)
(And a Japanese transistor radio)
It's the Mark IV model 
That's the one that's discontinued

(On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
A simulated alligator wallet
(A calendar book with the name of my insurance man)
(Green polka-dot pajamas)
(And a Japanese transistor radio)
And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it 
so you can listen right through the case

(On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
A statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to be
(A simulated alligator wallet)
(A calendar book with the name of my insurance man)
(Green polka-dot pajamas)
(And a Japanese transistor radio)
And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you can stick in your ear 
and a thing on the other end that you can't stick anywhere, because it's bent

(On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
A hammered aluminum nutcracker
And all that other stuff
(And a Japanese transistor radio)

(On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it
And all that other stuff
(And a Japanese transistor radio)

(On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
An indoor plastic birdbath
(And all that other stuff)
And a Japanese transistor radio

(On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
A pair of teakwood shower clogs
(And a Japanese transistor radio)

(On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter
(And a Japanese transistor radio)

(On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me)
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television 
but not when you get it home
(And a Japanese transistor radio)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange
(Oooh-oooh)
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television 
but not when you get it home
(Chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter)
A pair of teakwood shower clogs
(Indoor plastic birdbath)
A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it
(Hammered aluminum nutcracker)
A statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be
(Simulated alligator wallet)
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man
(Green polka-dot pajamas)
And a Japanese transistor radio
Merry Christmas everybody!

Should I?
Composer(s): Nacio Herb Brown; Arthur Freed
Performer(s): Frank Sinatra
and multiple other artists



Should I reveal exactly how I feel?
Should I confess I love you?
Should I recite beneath the pale moonlight?
And swear by the stars above you?

Could I repeat the sweetest story told?
Could I entreat, would it be too bold?

Should I reveal 'xactly how I feel?
Should I confess I love you?
 
Could I repeat that sweetest story told?
Could I entreat, would it be too bold?
 
Should I reveal 'xactly how I feel?
Should I confess I love you?
And swear by stars above you?
Should I confess I love you?

The Twelve Days Of Christmas
(Traditional)
Performer(s): Frank Sinatra



On the first day of Christmas
We gave our loving Dad
(My children gave to me)
A most lovely lavender tie

On the second day of Christmas
We gave our loving Dad
(My children gave to me)
Two silken scarves
And a most love lavender tie

Third Day = Three golf clubs

Fourth Day = Four mission lights

Fifth Day = Five ivory combs

Sixth Day = Six golden lighters

Seventh Day = Seven books of fiction

Eighth Day = Eight pairs of cufflinks

Ninth Day = Nine games of scrabble

Tenth Day = Ten silken hankies

Eleventh Day = Eleven jars of jelly

On the twelfth day of Christmas
We gave our loving Dad
(My children gave to me)
Twelve dozen kisses
Eleven jars of jelly
Ten silken hankies,
Nine games of scrabble
Eight pairs of cufflinks
Seven books of fiction
Six golden lighters
Five ivory combs,
Four mission lights
Three golf clubs
Two silken scarfs
And a most lovely lavender tie

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
((Portuguese Version: Chopis Centis (Mamonas Assassinas) - 1995))
Composer(s): Joe Strummer - Mick Jones
First release by: The Clash - 1982
Covered by multiple other artists



Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

Always tease tease tease
Siempre - coqetiando y enganyando
You're happy when I'm on my knees
Me arrodilla y estas feliz
One day is fine, next is black
Un dias bien el otro negro
So if you want me off your back
Al rededar en tu espalda
Well come on and let me know
Me tienes que desir
Should I Stay or should I go?
Me debo ir o que darme

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

This indecision's bugging me
Esta undecision me molesta
If you don't want me, set me free
Si no me quieres, librame
Exactly who'm I'm supposed to be
Diga me que tengo ser
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?
Saves que robas me querda?
Come on and let me know
Me tienes que desir

Should I cool it or should I blow?
Me debo ir o quedarme?

Should I stay or should I go now?
Yo me frio o lo sophlo?
If I go there will be trouble
Si me voi - va ver peligro
And if I stay it will be double
Si me quedo es doble
So you gotta let me know
Me tienes que decir
Should I stay or should I go?
Yo me frio o lo sophlo? 

The Twelve Days Of Christmas
(Traditional)
Performer(s): Bob & Doug McKenzie



(B: Bob; D: Doug; C: Chorus)

B: OK, good day
This is our Christmas part of the album 
You can play this at your Christmas parties 
or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothin' else to do
D: Good day, eh? 
In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part
B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on 
OK, so good day 
This is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get ...
um ....your true love for Christmas.
D: Look out the window!
B: Where? (chuckle) 
What are ya doin'?!?
D: Snow, hosehead!
B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's Christmastime
Hey, hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's a quiz (chuckle) 
Quiz for Doug...
D: OK, I have my "thinking took" on
B: Yeah, right 
What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 
'Cause, figure it out, right? 
Christmas is when?
D: Um, the twenty-fifth ...
B: Right 
And, what's the twenty-fourth ...
Christmas Eve, right?
So ...
D: That's two
B: That's two 
And, then what's after that? (pause) 
Boxing Day
D: Wrestling Day
B: Wrestl ... get out!
D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah
B: That's three 
Then, what's after that? 
Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four and what's ...
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's five 
Where do ya get twelve?
D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four 
So, that's nine 
And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery" days

B: OK, this our Christmas song 
just in case you don't know what to get someone for Christmas
D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

By the way, that's ME on the organ
B: Oh, geez
D: You start ...
B: OK ...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A beer

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me 
Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer
D: There should be more there, eh?
B: Where? 
Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four pounds of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer
D: ... in a tree 
See, you need more

B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five golden tuques
D: Four pound of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle necks
B: And a beer ... where?
D: (with Bob)
In a tree

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!
D: ... Christmas, my true love gave to me
C: Six ...
D: Six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques
C: Four ...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three ...
B: Three French toast
C: Two ...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer ...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree 
OK

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven pack of smokes
C: Nice gift!
D: Nice gift 
Oh ... six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tuques
C: Four ...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three ...
B: Three French toast
C: Two ...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer ...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree 
Keep forgetting
D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too hard for us! 
Go, hoser

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me
D: Eight comic books

B & D: Seven packs of smokes
Six pack of two-four
B: Five ...
C: (catches up) Five golden tuques
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks

All: And a beer ...

B & D: On my tree
B: Yeah, that beer is empty 
OK, day, um...
C: Twelve!
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve ...

All: Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums
D: So, like, that's our song 
Merry Christmas ...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! 
Ha-happy New Year, too
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts 
Either on the ninth day, or the tenth day or the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! 
Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ... or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a Dozen donuts ...
D: So, ... go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you buy a dozen 
you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the "Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!
B: Take off!

D: Boy, that song was a beauty 
It ... it moved me
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven"
D: What?