That Is The End Of The News
Composer(s): Noel Coward
Performer(s): Joyce Grenfell



We are told very loudly and often
To lift up our hearts
We are told that good humour will soften
Fate's cruelest darts
So however bad our domestic troubles may be
We just shake with amusement and sing with glee

Heigho, Mum's had those pains again
Granny's in bed with her varicose veins again
Everyone's gay because dear cousin Florrie
Was run down on Saturday night by a lorry
We're so thrilled, Elsie's in trouble
That hernia she had has turned out to be double
When Albert fell down all
The steps of the Town Hall
He got three bad cuts and a bruise 

We're delighted
To be able to say
We're unable to pay
Off our debts
We're excited
Because Percy's got mange
And we've run up a bill at the vet's

Three cheers! Ernie's got boils again
Everything's covered in ointment and oils again
Now he's had seven
So God's in His heaven
And that is the end of the news

We are told that it's dismal and dreary
To air our despairs
We are told to be gallant and cheery
And banish our cares
So when fortune gives us a cup of hemlock to quaff
We just give a slight hiccup and laugh laugh laugh 

Heigho, everything's fearful
We do wish that Vi was a little more cheerful
The only result of her last operation
Has been gales of wind at the least provocation 
Now don't laugh, poor Mrs Mason
Was washing some smalls in the lavatory basin
When that old corroded
Gas-heater exploded
And blew her smack into the news 

We're in clover
Uncle George is in clink
For refusing to work for the war
Now it's over
Auntie Maud seems to think
He'll be far better placed than before

What fun -- dear little Sidney
Produced a spectacular stone in his kidney
He's had eleven
So God's in His heaven
And that is the end of the news 

Heigho, what a catastrophe
Grandfather's brain is beginning to atrophy
Last Sunday night after eating an apple
He made a rude noise in the Methodist chapel

Good egg! Dear little Doris
Has just been expelled for assaulting Miss Morris
Both of her sisters
Are covered in blisters
From standing about in the queues 

We've been done in
By that mortgage foreclosure
And Father went out on a blind
He got run in
For indecent exposure
And ever so heavily fined
Heigho hi-diddle-diddle

Aunt Isabel's shingles have met in the middle
She's buried in Devon
So God's in His heaven
And that is the end of the news

My Wheels Won't Turn
Composer(s): Randy Bachman
Performer(s): Bachman-Turner Overdrive



I met a man who bought up land
Wherever his feet would tread
He asked me to El Paso
Said I could stay on his spread
He has horses and cows and tractors and plows
And all kinds of money to burn
But how can I get to Texas
When my wheels won't turn

There was a lady from Spain
Who had a fine frame
Then she moved to Hollywood
She said come and stay for a week and a day
I said I did not think I could
She said the sunshine's fine
I could spend some time
There are lessons I could learn
But how can I get to L.A.
When my wheels won't turn
How can I get to L.A.
When my wheels won't turn

I'm standin' still
'Cause my wheels won't turn
I'm not in love
And my fuel won't burn for you

At a college of knowledge I tried to learn
All the tricks to beat the system
I'd hide nooks and memorize my books
'Till I knew I'd never never miss them
Eventually I got my degree
But the real thing I did learn
You just can't hit your home run
If your wheels won't turn

There was a man in white
Who did things rght
Now he watches from above
He said here's the way that I want you to pray
And the way to live and love
So I saw the light and did things right
But the candle would not burn
Tell me, how can I get to heaven
If my wheels won't turn
How can I get to heaven
If my wheels won't turn

Growl
Composer(s): Frederick Heath; Guy Robinson
Performer(s): Johnny Kidd & the Pirates;
and various other artists



If there's anybody who's feeling bad
Just come along with me and you'll feel glad
Just growl
Just growl
Well it's as simple as that, just like a cat
Growl

If you're not so bad and you're history
Well come along with me and you'll feel free
Just growl
Just growl
Well it's as simple as that, just like a cat
Growl

I tried barking like a doogie dog
Even screeching like a dying hog
I can't get going with a hooting owl
You know I'm only happy when you hear me growl

Well if there's anyone who's feeling bad
Just come along with me and you'll feel glad
Just growl
Just growl
Well it's as simple as that, just like a cat
Growl

When everyone's swinging and in the mood
And everybody around me's in the groove
Just growl
Just growl
Well it's as simple as that, just like a cat
Growl

If you're not so bad and you're history
Well come along with me and you'll feel free
Just growl
Just growl
Well it's as simple as that, just like a cat
Growl

I tried barking like a doogie dog
Even screeching like a dying hog
I can't get going with a hooting owl
You know I'm only happy when you hear me growl

If there's anybody who's feeling bad
Just come along with me and you'll feel glad
Just growl
Just growl
Well it's as simple as that, just like a cat
Grooooooooooooooowl

That Is Rock And Roll
Composer(s): Jerry Leiber - Mike Stoller
First release by: The Coasters - 1959
Covered by multiple other artists



In the beginning, there weren't nothin' but rocks
Then somebody invented the wheel
And things just started in to roll! 

Did you ever hear a tenor sax 
Swingin' like a rusty axe? 
Honkin' like a frog 
Down in a hollow log? 
Well, baby, that is rock and roll

Did you ever hear a guitar twang
Dingy, dingy, dingy, dang? 
Ever hear those strings 
Doin' crazy things? 
Well, baby, that is rock and roll 

That ain't no freight train that you hear 
Rollin' down the railroad tracks
That's a country boy piano man 
Playin' in between the cracks

You say that music's for the birds
And you can't understand the words? 
Well, honey, if you did
You'd really blow your lid
'Cause, baby, that is rock and roll 

That ain't no freight train that you hear 
Rollin' down the railroad tracks 
That's a country boy piano man 
Playin' in between the cracks

You say that music's for the birds
And you can't understand the words? 
Well, honey, if you did
You'd really blow your lid 
'Cause, baby, that is rock and roll (In the mornin') 
Baby, that is rock and roll (In the evenin') 
Baby, that is rock and roll

My Way Of Giving
French Title: Je N'Ai Jamais Rien Demandé
Composer(s): Ronnie Lane; Steve Marriott
Originally performed by: The Small Faces
Covered by various other artists



I've been told it's just a matter of time
before you meet someone who opens your eyes
But time's on my side so nevertheless
I know the pain of too much happiness

[Chorus:]
It's all part of my way of giving
and I'm giving it all to you
More than love it's a way of living
and what more would you have me do

Although I'm not a guy that means to hurt
and if at times it seems our love won't work
I tell you honey, you must surely realize
See all confusion in my cloudy eyes

[Chorus]

Although I'm not a guy that means to hurt
and if at times it seems our love won't work
I tell you honey you must surely realize
See all confusion in my cloudy eyes

[Chorus]

Growing Closer
Composer(s): Ian McLagan
Performer(s): Humble Pie



Here I am with dust in my pants
I don't know what to do
Been on the road for almost a week
I just wanna be with you
Makes no difference where I am
Feeling hard to breathe
If I thought you felt the same
Wouldn't be so bad for me
Thought I know all about it from the start
Took a short cut to nowhere
To make it feel alright
Got to cut this travelling out
I hate sayin' goodbye
We leave the day we arrive
Or I'll wanna know why
Growing closer, comin' in out of the dark
Here I am with dust in my pants
I don't know what to do
Been on the road for almost a week
I just wanna be with you

That Greasy Kid Stuff
Composer(s): Cy Coben
Performer(s): Janie Grant



Cleopatra sailing down the Nile with Mark
Was huggin' and kissin', was as happy as a lark
But suddenly she ran her fingers through his hair
Stopped and said, "Well, I declare...
Are you still using that greasy kid stuff?
That icky sticky ooey gooey greasy kid stuff"

Stanley looked for Livingston the books all say
Found him in the jungle on that famous day
Shook his hand and shouted in a voice that boomed
"Dr. Livingston I presume...
That you're still using that greasy kid stuff
That icky sticky ooey gooey greasy kid stuff"

Delilah was a gal who was as smart as a fox
She crew-cut Sampson's curly locks
She wiped off the scissors when the job was done
Then whispered softly, "Tell me, hon...
Are you still using that greasy kid stuff?
That icky sticky ooey gooey greasy kid stuff"

I dreamt that I was at a summit meeting last night
Nikita and the President were setting things right
Everything was fine until Nikita says
"If it's not top secret, tell me Prez...
Are you still using that greasy kid stuff?
That icky sticky ooey gooey greasy kid stuff"

Waarom 
((aka Alleen Gaan (by Will Tura) - 1998; Zoals Gewoonlijk (by Raymond Van Het Groenewoud) - 2004; Mijn Leven (by Nicole & Hugo) - 2009))
((Adapted from: Comme D'habitude (by Claude François - 1967))
Composer(s): Claude François - Jacques Revaux - Gilles Thibault - André Hazes
Performer(s): André Hazes - 1980

Versions In Other Languages:
1968/1969 - My Way (by Frank Sinatra)
1969 - Eu Já Me Habituei (by Agnaldo Timóteo)
1971 - La Mia Via (by Fred Bongusto)
1972 - A Modo Mio (by Patty Pravo)
1989 - A Mi Manera (by Joan Baez)
1996 - A Mi Manera (Paul Anka & Julio Iglesias)
1996 - Moj Svet (by Dragan Stojnic)
2003 - A Mi Manera (by Raphael)



Waarom, zeg mij waarom ben ik alleen en altijd eenzaam
Waarom, zeg mij waarom noemt niemand mij eens bij mijn voornaam
Ik heb ook nooit een vrouw die mij eens helpt of met me uitgaat
Waarom, zeg mij waarom moet ik alleen staan

Ach ja, ik heb m’n werk, verdien m’n geld, dat is m'n leven
‘t Is allemaal voorbij, maar ik zou zo graag iets willen geven
Zolang ik dat niet kan ben ik niet blij en blijf ook eenzaam
Waarom, zeg mij waarom moet ik alleen staan

'k zit hier alleen, zonder vriendin, waar moet ik heen, ‘t heeft toch geen zin
Ik zou zo graag, geloof me toch, met jou willen praten, dansen de nacht
Maar dat soort dromen komen nooit uit, ‘k blijf altijd eenzaam

En toch ik heb nog hoop want er is toch nog steeds een morgen
En als 't geluk dan komt dan zal ik altijd voor haar zorgen
En bouw daar een gezin waar ik m'n leven mee kan slijten
Ooh kom, breng mij geluk, ‘t liefste morgen

Nu droom ik het weer, ben ik verliefd, o lieve schat, zeg alsjeblieft
Kom dicht bij mij, geef me een zoen, ik houd van jou, dat zal ik doen
Maar dat soort dromen komen nooit uit, ‘k blijf altijd eenzaam

Growin' Up
Composer(s): Bruce Springsteen
Performer(s): Bruce Springsteen;
and various other artists



I stood stone-like at midnight suspended in my masquerade
I combed my hair till it was just right and commanded the night brigade
I was open to pain and crossed by the rain and I walked on a crooked crutch
I strolled all alone through a fallout zone and came out with my soul untouched
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd but when they said "Sit down" I stood up
Ooh-ooh growin' up

The flag of piracy flew from my mast, my sails were set wing to wing
I had a jukebox graduate for first mate, she couldn't sail but she sure could sing
I pushed B-52 and bombed `em with the blues with my gear set stubborn on standing
I broke all the rules, strafed my old high school, never once gave thought to landing
I hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd but when they said "Come down" I threw up
Ooh-ooh growin' up

I took month-long vacations in the stratosphere and you know it's really hard to hold your breath
I swear I lost everything I ever loved or feared, I was the cosmic kid in full costume dress
Well, my feet they finally took root in the earth but I got me a nice little place in the stars
And I swear I found the key to the universe in the engine of an old parked car
I hid in the mother breast of the crowd but when they said "Pull down" I pulled up
Ooh-ooh growin' up 
Ooh-ooh growin' up

That Girl Belongs To Yesterday
Composer(s): Mick Jagger - Keith Richards
Performer(s): Gene Pitney



Last night I needed you so bad
I was alone and feeling sad
But now that I recall
You left me after all
The only girl I've ever had

I never ever made you cry
No, no I didn't even try
You promised you'd be true
You said you loved me too
My only girl told me a lie

And maybe there'll come a day
When I can smile and say
She used to be my girl

But now there's nothing left to say
She only wanted me for play
I learned my lesson fast
But now I know at last
That girl belongs to yesterday

My only girl
My only girl
I learned my lesson fast
But now I know at last
That girl belongs to yesterday
That girl she belongs to yesterday

My Way
((Adapted from: Comme D'habitude (by Claude François - 1967))
Composer(s): Claude François - Jacques Revaux - Gilles Thibault - Paul Anka
Performer(s): Frank Sinatra - 1968/1969
and multiple other artists

Versions In Other Languages:
1969 - Eu Já Me Habituei (by Agnaldo Timóteo)
1971 - La Mia Via (by Fred Bongusto)
1972 - A Modo Mio (by Patty Pravo)
1980 - Waarom (by André Hazes)
1989 - A Mi Manera (by Joan Baez)
1996 - A Mi Manera (by Paul Anka & Julio Iglesias)
1996 - Moj Svet (by Dragan Stojnic)
1998 - Alleen Gaan (by Will Tura)
2003 - A Mi Manera (by Raphael)
2004 - Zoals Gewoonlijk (by Raymond Van Het Groenewoud)
2009 - Mijn Leven (by Nicole & Hugo)



And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full
I travelled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it My Way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again too few to mention
Did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
Planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it My Way

Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it My Way

I've loved
I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no not me
I did it My Way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows
I took the blows 
And did it my way!

Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb
Performer(s): Allan Sherman



Grow, Mrs. Goldfarb, fatter, fatter
Pile more potatoes on your platter 
Listen to me, 'cause I'm your hubby
I just adore you plump and chubby
I got a letter from the state, Dear
You're gonna need a license plate, Dear
My little elephant joke come true
Chew, Mrs. Goldfarb, chew! 

There is so much more of you
More to adore you
'Cause you're not slender
In your white dress you're a doll
Big as the Taj Mahal
In all its splendor 
When you're in gepartment stores
Don't use the revolving doors
You might get stuck, Dear
When you use the telephone
Go in the booth alone
And lots of luck, Dear

You had for breakfast: two pounds bacon
Three dozen eggs, one coffee cake and 
Then you had something really awful
Four kippered herrings on a waffle 
Nine English muffins, one baked apple
Boston cream pie, Philadelphia scrapple
Seventeen bowls of Crispy Crunch
Then you said, "What's for lunch?" 

Sweetheart, you are giant size
You are Lane Bryant size 
My darling Myrtle
Last Thanksgiving I was thrilled
You ate so much, you killed 
Your living girdle
Have another dozen shrimp
My lovely little blimp
Don't count a calorie 
I just received a stub
I owe the Diner's Club 
A whole years salary

Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, daily, nightly
Eat, though your chair is bending slightly
Love of my life, I'm glad I found you
Each day I take a walk around you
I can't forget when we got married
Over the threshold I got carried
No other bride would be so sweet 
Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, Eat!

That Girl
Composer(s): Glenn Frey - Bob Seger
Performer(s): Glenn Frey



Raindrops fallin' on these hills tonight
I've been drivin' since the mornin' light
It won't be long before those headlights shine
And I'll be missin' that girl of mine

Yesterday, I was safe and warm
Yesterday, I held her in my arms
Now the raindrops fallin'
And I feel like callin'
That Girl

Well there ain't no explainin' what she does for me
It might be somethin' only I can see
Understanding in a quiet way
Undemanding and I got to say

I'm in love, and I know it's for sure
I'm in love, I can't stop thinking of her
Now the raindrops fallin'
And I feel like callin'
That girl

Well I've been callin' that girl for such a long long time
I can't get through, I'm 'bout to lose my mind
I got so much to tell her, I got so much to say
Ooh, I'm gonna love her till my dyin' day

Oh, I'm in love, and I know it's for sure
I'm in love, I can't stop thinking of her
now the raindrops fallin'
I feel like callin'
Raindrops fallin'
I feel like callin'
Raindrops fallin'
And I feel like callin'
That girl
That girl

My Wasted Past
Composer(s): Ernest Tubb; Roy Duke
Performer(s): Ernest Tubb



Today I’ve been thinking of My Wasted Past
And all the heartaches that I’ve been through
It seems to me this world has turned me down
And there’s nothing left for me to do

In the future you no I have no planes
Since you ran away with another man
I feel as though this is the last
As I’m thinking of My Wasted Past

Ah Billy Byrd now

The clouds take the sunshine and bring the rain
Like you took my love and brought me pain
Now I’m all alone with memories of the past
And I’ll never see my love again

In the future you no I have no plan
Since you ran away with another man
I feel as though this is the last
As I’m thinking of My Wasted Past

Grow Old With Me
Composer(s): John Lennon
Performer(s): John Lennon;
and various other artists



Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one

God bless our love
God bless our love

Grow old along with me
Two branches on one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done

God Bless our love
God bless our love 

Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end 

Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true

God bless our love
God bless our love 

God bless our love
God bless our love 

God bless our love

That Feeling Is Gone
Composer(s): Walter Hirsh - Chester Wallace
Performer(s): Benny Goodman & His Orch.



That feeling is gone, I must go on without you
That feeling is gone, the thrill I used to know
You tell me you're sorry, that it wasn't meant to be
It's easy to be sorry, but how about me ?

That feeling is gone, still I could never doubt you
For old times' sake, I'll gladly take the blame
Although I can't forget you, I wonder why I ever met you
That feeling is gone, never to be the same

My Walking Stick
Composer(s): Irving Berlin
Performer(s): Leon Redbone
and various other artists



Without my walking stick, I'd go insane
I can't look my best I feel undressed without my cane
Must have my walking stick 'cause it may rain
When it pours can't be outdoors without my cane

If I ever left my house without my walking stick
Well it would be something I could never explain
Oh the thing that makes me click, on lovers lane
Would go for naught if I were caught without my cane

Be-bop-bop-de-la-dum
Be-bop-a-da-bum
Re-bop-be-a
Rop-a-de-bop
Rump-a-de-dum
Ra-da-da-de

Re-bop-bop-la-da-dum
Re-bop-be-de-a
Rop-a-de-bum
Rop-a-de-bum
Deet-de-de-a
Ra-da-da-dum

If I ever left my house without my walking stick
Well it would be something I could never explain
Oh the thing that makes me click on lovers lane
Would go for naught if I were caught without my cane

Ground Hog Blues
Composer(s): Sonny Boy Williamson
Performer(s): Sonny Boy Williamson



Now I'm a walkin' groundhog
mama and I walks around in my den
Now I'm a walkin' groundhog 
mama and I walks around in my den
Now if I come out and see my shadow, John I believe I'll go back in

Now I want some feedin' mama, so I can hear a high sound
If you don't feed me baby I believe I'll go back in the ground
Because I'm that walkin' groundhog, mama and I walks around in my den
Now if I come out and see my shadow you say you don't love me
I believe I'll go back in

Now I wanna hear some swingin' music, I wanna hear a Fats Waller song
Now if I start to jitterbuggin' I'm forgettin' my hole down in the ground
Because I'm that walkin' groundhog, man and I walks around in my den

Now if I come out and see my shadow my woman don't love me 
I believe I'll go back in

Yes John, you know what I mean...
Oh you know I'm a-walkin' wild...

Now I need some pettin' baby, baby you know what I mean
Now if you don't pet me baby, I believe I'll go back down in New Orleans
Because I'm that walkin' groundhog, at night I walks around in my den
Now if I come out and see my shadow my woman don't love me 
yeah an' I believe I'll go back in

Chicken Feed
Performer(s): Bobbi Staff



It's not because the money you have is only chicken feed
It's because I know I'm not the only chicken you feed
I don't care if a boy has barely enough to feed me
I just wanta know that I'm the only chicken he feeds feed

I heard about you last night, out in the bright lights with old Suzie Brown
You took her to the movie show, you took her to the bowling bowl, you took her ev'ry place in town
Guess ya think it's funny out spendin' all your money, leavin' me home alone
Well from now on I'm gonna be anywhere else but home

It's not because the money you have is only chicken feed
It's because I know I'm not the only chicken you feed
I don't care if a boy has barely enough to feed me
I just wanta know that I'm the only chicken he feeds

I was sittin' home thinkin' how I'd like to be drinkin' a Coke somewhere in town
When a friend phoned me, and she told me you were feedin' old Suzie Brown
Well I got down low, got to feelin' so low that I thought I would die
Well I've got news for you, I'm not going to sit home and cry

It's not because the money you have is only chicken feed
It's because I know I'm not the only chicken you feed
I don't care if a boy has barely enough to feed me
I just wanta know that I'm the only chicken he feeds feed

I just wanta know that I'm the only chicken he feeds feed

My Very Good Friend The Milkman
Composer(s): Johnny Burke; Harold Spina
Performer(s): Fats Waller
and various other artists



My very good friend the milkman says
That I've been losing to much sleep
He doesn't like the hours I keep
And he suggests that you should marry me

My very good friend the mailman says
That it would make his burden less
If we both had the same address
And he suggests that you should marry me

Then there's a very friendly fellow who prints
All the latest real estate news
And every day he sends me blueprints
Of cottages with country views

My very good friends the neighbours say
That they've been watching little things I do
And they perceive that I love you
So I suggest that you should marry me