Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories per spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. It also adds protein to your hair and keeps it naturally lustrous. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present and cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. Man is a hunter gatherer and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it on your own time. To help with the family budget you may want to video tape yourself while doing this and to sell it at car-booth sales. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is not interested in foreplay.

A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice expensive present and cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.

A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying him a nice expensive present ... and don't forget to cook him a nice delicious meal.