10 Craziest Theories From Ancient Aliens
“I’m not saying it was aliens… but it was aliens.”
WC/Wikipedia
The Ancient Astronaut theory, first proposed in 1919, explores the possibility that Extra-Terrestrials visited our ancestors, perhaps even having a hand in our very creation. Since 1919 the theory has been popularized by authors like Erich Von Daniken (Chariots of the Gods?) and most recently by the History Channel hit Ancient Aliens.
Over the past 8 seasons the series has turned millions of curious viewers into loyal fans and has become a pop-culture phenomenon. However, the theory has received considerable criticism from some parts of the scientific community. The Smithsonian Institute bluntly classifies the whole subject as pseudo-science and renowned scientist Carl Sagan had this to say about Von Daniken:
- “I hope for the continuing popularity of books like Chariots of the Gods? in high school and college logic courses, as object lessons in sloppy thinking. I know of no recent books so riddled with logical and factual errors as the works of Von Däniken” – Carl Sagan
But are Von Daniken and the AA poster-boy, Giorgio Tsoukalos, really so crazy? What about countless other authors, radio hosts, even reverends, that appear on the show? Maybe not. In fact, the show has been lauded for offering an interesting alternative view of history.
AA does a good job highlighting unexplained evidence, but sometimes in an attempt to present their intriguing theory they go a little too far off the deep-end…
10. Saqqara Bird
History
Is it a bird… is it a plane?
…It’s a bird.
The very first segment in the very first episode of Ancient Aliens features this example of ancient extra-terrestrial technology, so you would expect it to be extra convincing.
Supposedly, this wooden artefact is not the model of a bird at all (despite the beak and eyes); it is a small scale model of a glider or airplane, thus proving the ancient Egyptians had the power of flight. The show goes on to explain that many advanced tests, utilizing such space-age technologies as wind tunnels, have proven that with the addition of some important features, the “bird” is aerodynamic.
The show also successfully tested a larger-scale version and found that a model made out of different materials, and with a horizontal, stabilizing tail-wing, would fly.
The conventional analysis of this artefact is that it may have been a toy, a ceremonial object, or a weather vane. And that it is undoubtably the depiction of a falcon, a common representation of the Egyptian deities Ra and Horus.
9. Aliens VS Dinosaurs
History
Yes, that is an actual screenshot from an episode of Ancient Aliens.
- “What we have here is not an extinction, but an extermination event.” – Tsoukalos
This episode, “Aliens and Dinosaurs”, features scenes like something straight out of a mashup of Jurassic Park and Independence day. It also enlists the help of young-earth creationist Willie Dye, billed on the program as an archeologist, to describe how humans and dinosaurs were alive at the same time (of course using evidence and arguments that have been proven false).
While there is some speculation in the scientific community as to what exactly caused the extinction of the dinosaurs the ideas put forward by the show are certainly not any of them.
Smithsonian Magazine took exception to this particular episode, pointing out the incorrect assumptions that aliens may have been running an experiment with the dinosaurs or that they directed an asteroid towards earth in order to make way for humans.
At a certain point the show decides that those theories might be too complicated, and that the aliens may have just nuked the dinosaurs.
8. Jonah And The USO
Ancient astronaut theorists love analyzing old religious texts. The bible in particular, is an infinite well of inspiration.
While many bible stories are based on some kernel of truth, the story of Jonah being swallowed by a whale is one of the more impossible stories. In fact, some people believe the tale of Jonah to be a parody of earlier Greek myths. However not only do Ancient Aliens and Giorgio Tsoukalos believe the story of Jonah’s miraculous survival to be true, but that there is even more to it.
Tsoukalos points out that in some descriptions, Jonah notices that the “ribs” of the whale are gleaming bronze.
“Jonah was not, in fact, swallowed by a whale… but a U.S.O. An unidentified submersible object.”
That is, if it happened at all.
7. The Grim Reaper Was An Alien – And The Aliens Caused The Plague
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This is the kind of thing that people in the middle ages might have believed while the black death was still decimating the European population. They were willing to blame demons, witches, and at one point they even blamed the Jews. Though modern science blames fleas carrying the Yersinia pestis bacteria for the outbreak, ancient astronaut theorists, like author William Bramley, blame extra-terrestrials.
To explain how the aliens infected us the theory utilizes another fringe favorite: chemtrails. Basically, humans were sprayed with toxic fumes the same way farmers spray their crops with pesticides. Possibly for the same reason, or maybe just for the sake of experimentation.
People may also remember that the image of the “grim reaper” emerged around this time. Apparently some victims of the plague, in their delirium, hallucinated images of a dark hooded figure. In the hysteria people also reported hooded figures appearing in the wheat fields outside of towns right before the plague struck them. The Grim Reaper soon became the most iconic personification of death. Some theorist suggest that if it wasn’t chemtrails, perhaps the extraterrestrials elected for a more “personal” touch and gassed our food supply from up close, dressed in black cloaks.
According to theorists, period stories of lights in the sky or visitations from the Virgin Mary (an alien) offer more proof that Aliens were involved with the Plague.
6. Pakal’s Rocket
Wikipedia
K’inich Janaab’ Pakal was the ruler of the Mayan city-state of Palenque in the 7th century C.E. Upon his death he was placed inside an ornate sarcophagus and sealed in a tomb within the Temple of Transcriptions.
When archeologists uncovered his tomb they remarked on the decorative sarcophagus lid calling it an example of classic Mayan art. The common iconography made it easy for scholars to interpret the symbols and themes of the artwork. Everything from the background patterns to the posture of the subject was understood and accounted for.
On the other hand, ancient astronaut theorists consider this one of their best pieces of evidence. According to Erich Von Daniken the artwork is “Incredible… absolutely proof for extra-terrestrials”. According to other theorists the artwork on the lid of Pakal’s sarcophagus depicts an astronaut ascending into space on a rocket. Allegedly his hands are manipulating controls, his feet are on pedals, he is wearing a breathing tube, and there is exhaust firing out the bottom of the rocket.
The problem with the Ancient Alien theory is that each example was either a well known Mayan symbol or was just too far of a stretch. Also, would extra-terrestrials really be using a technology so primitive as a rocket?
But above all else, it just doesn’t really look anything like a rocket.
5. Hybrid Creatures Are The Result Of Genetic Engineering
YouTube
Historically there has been no shortage of “mythical beasts”. Many stories tell of animals like the griffin (half lion, half eagle), or Medusa, a monster from Greek mythology whose hair was a tangles mess of venomous snakes. Ancient religious figures were often depicted as hybrid creatures. In fact, almost all of the Egyptian gods sported animal heads on top of their human bodies.
Some Ancient Astronaut theorists think these tales have an explanation; Ancient Alien genetic experimentation. Humans themselves have begun to dabble in genetic engineering, so, they claim, is it so crazy to believe ancient visitors would have done the same?
If the rest of the theory is true, it wouldn’t be a surprise. However, the theory rests on the fact that any of these creatures even existed at all. Even today we tell silly stories of creatures like “Nessy” or Big-Foot.
It is most likely that these creatures are the result of human imagination and not alien scientific experimentation. For example; even if the aliens were able to give the monster Medusa snake hair it was also reported that one look into her eyes was enough to turn anyone into solid stone… not quite sure how genetic engineering would have caused worked that part out.
4. Teotihuacan Is A Computer… Or Something.
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Teotihuacan is an ancient Toltec city near what is now Mexico City. Much of the cite is devoted to religiously inspired temples and monuments, including the famous Pyramid Of The Sun.
Ancient Astronaut theorists believe it is also a giant computer circuit board. This is because, well, the layout “resembles one”. Numerous articles and documentaries from the community reference this fact.
“Oh my God, it looks like a little city.” – Anyone who has ever seen a circuit board.
What about Teotihuacan specifically looks so much like a circuit board? Actually, not too much. The theory also claims that some of the temples are “processors” without much of a reason why this is the case. But the theorists go further; pointing out that mica was incorporated into some of the structures and a few underground rooms were filled entirely with mica (an electrical insulator). However, many ancient civilizations were known to use mica.
Even though the mica rooms are a little curious almost nothing about Teotihuacan is even remotely circuit-like.
3. Dendera Light
Wikipedia
This one is very similar to “Pakal’s Rocket” in that the theory begins with an image that allegedly depicts modern technology. However, unlike Pakal’s Rocket, this one actually does look a lot like the modern artefact it is purported to depict: a light bulb.
But the problem here is that it also looks like something else… a depiction of Egyptian mythology using typical Egyptian symbols. Specifically, an Egyptian version of the “creation” myth. In the Heliopolitan version; Atum, (sometimes in the form of a serpent) emerges from a Lotus flower into the universe, or as it was thought, a bubble of air in a dark infinite ocean.
This mainstream view seems to match up, as the base of the bulb is a perfect example of an Egyptian depiction of a Lotus Flower. And upon closer viewing the “filament” quite clearly has a serpent’s mouth and eyes. Many other pieces of the image line up with the story as well. But beyond on that, the other evidence that suggests the Egyptians had the power of electric light also fall flat.
First of all, despite there being other relatable images of the creation story, this is the only image that looks anything like a light bulb. This would be surprising if the Egyptians possessed any knowledge of such an intriguing device, let alone used it to light their pyramids/temples.
But Ancient Astronaut theorists think that happened as well. Yet more evidence for the existence of these light bulbs, they claim, is that there is no evidence of soot on the roofs or walls of Egyptian temples/tombs. How then did they illuminate these places?
AncientAliensDebunked.com does a good job refuting this claim (and the whole subject). They point out that there is black soot in almost every Egyptian temple and tomb, even the temple where the image is found.
- “In fact a recent ceiling cleaning conducted at the Temple of Hathor, which is the same temple where the so-called light bulb relief is found, they uncovered a brightly colored ancient ceiling painting that had never before been noticed.
What was covering it up you ask? I will quote them directly, they said the ceiling was covered with “hundreds of years of black soot” That’s kind of funny, you have to admit.” -AcientAliensDebunked.com
Furthermore, archeologists are already sure of what kind of lighting Egyptians used (torches and oil lamps). And they are also very certain that no physical evidence of Egyptian use of electricity has ever been found.
2. Nazis Had Help From Extra-Terrestrials
AP
Did Adolf Hitler base his plans for world domination on secret extra-terrestrial knowledge? – Ancient Aliens actually asks that. This may sound way out there, however, the “Nazi UFO” theory has a lot of support.
As it turns out, the Nazi’s had some pretty advanced technology when it came to rockets. They developed both the V1 and V2 rockets during the war and used them with great success against England and France. According to Ancient Aliens: German rocket scientist, Herman Oberth claimed that this technology was only possible because they had help from “beings from another world”. This, of course, suggests that the Nazi’s had contact with Aliens. (However, the origin of this quote is under debate.)
The subject of the Nazis comes up in the UFO Community quite a bit. The term “Foo-Fighter” refers to the numerous stories of strange aerial phenomenon observed by allied pilots over German. And the idea that the Germans were trying to build a fleet of saucer shaped craft called “Haenebu” has been around for a while. According to these theories the technology for such a craft, was acquired when German engineers reverse engineered an alien spacecraft that crashed in the woods of Bavaria.
Furthermore, some suspect that the Nazis may have also decoded ancient religious texts, such as the Mahabharata, to help design their flying craft. Some of these ancient texts include depictions of godlike beings flying in heavenly thrones. These thrones, or “Vimanus”, are another Ancient Aliens favorite as these descriptions may actually depict extra-terrestrial aircraft, and they believe Hitler felt the same way. How can they be sure Hitler was using these old religious texts to help win the war?
Because the Swastika is an Alien symbol, of course.
1. The Sword In The Stone
Media Library
The legend of the sword in the stone is one of the most famous tales of King Arthur. However, the Celtic legend of a magical weapon, only movable by one divine figure, is not necessarily an original. It is quite similar to the Norse god Thor’s hammer, and countless other folk-tales. In addition, historians have been hard pressed to find any evidence that King Arthur himself actually existed.
But according to some proponents of the Ancient Astronaut theory, not only is the story of King Arthur pulling a magic unmovable sword from a stone absolutely true, it also involved aliens.
- “I start thinking about some type of biometric security system” -Giorgio Tsoukalos
Tsoukalos points out that this kind of technology is within the realm of possibility because modern technology has the capability of creating concept firearms that function in a similar way.
Some other notable suggestions made along these lines include; Arthur’s sword Excalibur, as well as Joan of Arc’s sword, were “Alien laser weapons”, and that the arthurian figure Merlin may have been an alien.
{ http://whatculture.com/ }
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